Atlantica - and its most famous resident !

 

 

Here's the next-to-last one ! The final one is *gorgeous* !

 

Ya'll do know how to 'steal' images, right ? Right click, 'save image as', and all that ? If you don't, I'll be glad to e-mail any of these to ya. I also have a couple copies of the Doll Divas pajamas to send, soon as I can get off my butt ! :)

Ariel's second image !

 

Here's the images I promised. Sorry to be gone so long, it's been both good and bad around here. When I'm calm enough to post things that don't cut like blades, I'll have more to say !

 

PS to everyone - I loved the Aurora picture, and still need to read the fanfic ! I think ya'll are what's keeping me from attacking with a sharpened Barbie, and I appreciate all the comments. Try to think well of me, even though you know now how petty and small I really am.

Under-the-Sea Blue Monday
Now Playing: "Star Wars Lego : The Complete Saga" for the Wii. Always Dearest Son's favorite.

 

Current Mood : Contentedly tired

Spent on fabric today : $2.28  

Got all the way to the Agency I had to visit today, figuring I'd be there for most of the day - and realised I'd completely forgotten. It's Martin Luther King day ! Dearest Son had to go to school - it was one of the ice storm make-up days - so it totally slipped my awareness that banks and stuff would be closed today.

 

So I did the grocery shopping and came on home. For some reason, I woke up this morning just shy of 2am, and could not get back to sleep. So I got up and did bills and home organizational misc. Managed a half-hour nap in between phonecalls. We agreed to let a lady keep her horses on the acres that come with the house but we don't use. It's not a lot of money for us, but who doesn't always need a few extra bucks ? Last week, we didn't know her from Adam's housecat, but today she was here, horses and all. Since we rent, our landowner had to approve, so she brought over a contract, basically stating that any damage the horses did to themselves, each other, or anyone or anything else was her responsibility. All three of us - me, horse owner, and landlord - signed and had it witnessed. So we now have two horses as neigh-bors.

 

They're kind of fun to watch, although I confess a slight fear of horses. Just not brought up around them, and they always seem so huge to me. There's a sweet retired show gelding who ate a peppermint stick from my fingers and nosed around for more, and a standoffish brood mare who pretty much exuded ‘Whatever !' from her very skin. She's expecting a foal in May. Horse owner T was so excited and happy to have them here. Wouldn't you know it, family problems where they were before.

 

Michelle, how horrible for you ! That interviewer should be strung up by his own entrails. What an awful experience. It's darn close to my personal definition of evil (being a jerk on purpose to hurt someone for no other reason than yer own amusement), so I'm super sorry you  had to endure that. Hope he ends up in a relationship worthy of him. (snerk)

 

I'm gonna have a bad therapy experience of my very own soon ! Y'see, the local University educates and trains therapists - right on up to PhD psychologists. So there's a sort of ‘training ground' counseling service on campus, open to the public. A sliding scale determines payment, and I've been there before. ‘Laura' was absolutely wonderful. She really helped me with those issues, so I'm hoping someone like her will help me work through these something new-something old ones.

 

Alas. When I asked for the counseling service phone number, I instead got the phone of a private therapist who is occasionally called in on tougher cases or when the service is closed. His rate, flat out, is $80. an hour. All this time, I thought I've been speaking with the school service, so I said so. And I got a high-pressured sales pitch ! I honestly expected, ‘Now, what'll it take to get you into talking with me for a few months ? Low down payment ? Variable rate financing ? Balloons and hot dogs ? Just name it !' like at a used car dealer on the shady side. Even after I mentioned the eyebrow-lifting amount we currently owe the local hospital, he wants to put me on a payment plan. Um, what ? Owing all this in a bad season with little means to pay is part of my problems, guy ! I don't need another stress-building bill !

 

So I cancelled my tentative appointment and was honest with why. Big mistake ! He really pushed it then, and I stupidly caved to get him off the blasted phone.  I get to call him again tomorrow, tell him it just ain't in the budget in the foreseeable future. I already know it'll be somewhat like getting out of AOL or BMG Music Service. I would just not return his calls, but I don't wanna get billed $80. for my no-show appointment. Guess I'll just have to be blunt about it. And act like a busted record.

 

Upshot is, I have no idea if he's more intimately connected with the service, so I'm now wondering if I can use it after I tell him ‘no' for the second or third time. I may just go over there - if there's time after I'm done with the Agency - and check.

 

Spent most of the rest of the day chasing after the horse owner, getting the dishes and kitchen cleaned, and cleaning the mess I've made of the bedroom. Seriously considering not cleaning Beloved Hubby's side, but if I don't, the dirty laundry pile will suffocate us both ! So, not much doll time today, but the house is cleaner, and I finally went after the microwave. It's been bugging me.

 

I did, however, buy myself a little treat. As I'm sure you noticed, I scored some Ariel-themed fabric, a half-yard. Just enough to get intact pieces of each scene. I was going through the remnants as I always do - I've several times found just what I need, at a 20% discount ! - when I found one labeled ‘Disney Princess Blocks'. Mal-Wart rolls their remnants with a piece of paper inside and out, listing the information and price.  I'd have to tear it to see the whole print. Luckily, though, there was still some of it on the bolt.

 

Urk. It was kind of pretty, more in purples and soft beiges than bright pinks, but it was just four characters in the same poses within squares, with hearts bearing each of their their names, Snow White, Belle, Cinderella, Aurora, in others. Not much I could use, and the lips were off. Really big, and not well centered. In fact, some of the expressions were downright ugly. But next to it was two bolts of Ariel-only fabric. The other had maybe three or four poses around bubbles, predominantly purple, with ‘Watch Me Sparkle' wrapped around. Again, kind of cute, but not something I could really use. This one is called "Under The Sea Scenic", by Springs Global US, and is not intended for children's sleepwear. Wonder if it's OK for doll nighties...

 

If there's one thing I like about Ariel besides what everyone also likes, it's gotta be that she's not over-enamored of the color pink. Aside from the one dress, most of her palette is of bolder colors - purples, greens, blues - that aren't soft pastels. So her stuff tends to stand out. Apologies to anyone who doesn't much like my recent DPrincess kick - it'll be over with sooner or later...but then again, it's gone on for 41 years now...

 

Anyway, there's four ‘scenes' to this fabric, so guess what images you're getting this week !  

Another lazy day ? Make PJs !
Now Playing: some fun MP3s

 

Current Mood : Happily Creative

 

Yaay ! Finally got off my butt and sewed ! Here's my slight adjustment to DebbieFS in Australia's Doll Divas pajama pattern - http://members.boardhost.com/DollDivas/msg/archive/1195868542.html . I brought out the self-facing a bit, added the same length to the collar. Not much different, but I like it. If I adjust the snap fastener, it doesn't open/close so low. Nice to have the flexibility.

 

Didn't have enough of this print - it was a scrap, really, I didn't think my alteration would work well -  to make matching pants, so I tried my hand at patching some in to the black fabric. I wanted the strips to be a bit asymmetrical, so I sewed ‘em in perfectly straight, trusting my skewing skills to do the job for me. And, as you can see, it worked just the way it always does ! They're just a tiny bit off. But, again, I like ‘em.

 

Her pattern is kind of odd. The photo shows the pants as pretty high-water without some sort of hem trim. So I sewed a strip on there, too. If I'd have allowed the crotch seam to hang low, this would have made them too long - instead, I had pants crotch meet doll crotch, and the ‘waist' nearly covered her bustline ! The casing for the elastic waist was over half an inch - which means, I used about an inch of the fabric already there to make the waist. Unusual.

 

It also plays hide-and-seek. Some days the pattern and photos are there, other days, there's a Picturetrail marker instead. Let me know if you're having trouble downloading it, and I can send it via email, if you like.

 

It's also a good thing I'd sewn similar pants in Perestroika.ca's Real Clothes Vol 1, otherwise ‘turn one leg right side out, tuck into other wrong side out pant leg, match crotch seam and sew' would have been confusing. I know she's trying to keep things simple, but without prior experience, these directions are easily frustrating.

 

Modeling is the recently rebodied Pamela, formerly a Mattel bendy-body Poison Ivy. Her eyebrows jut at an odd angle at the ends, so I keep her hair over them. And there's that mailbox bank I got at the thrift store Friday - it's so cool. I'd have sworn it was a Mattel product - didn't Barbie have a post office playset ? - but it's not marked Mattel anywhere on it. I just love how the pick-up times on the chart are readable, as well as the ‘Caution' sign, warning us postal patrons to not put the heavy stuff in there. Just like what I dump the bills in every so often !

 

Well, Beloved Hubby's home, and I have loads of stuff to do before tomorrow's long wait. Wish me luck !

Celebrating my laziness...doesn't take long.
Now Playing: a refrigerator - leading me to believe there may be something good in there this time...
 

A sort of ‘meh' day. At the end of it, about all I can think of is that I got the laundry and dishes done, and spent the rest of the day not doing much of anything. I think I mostly let myself relax for a bit. Took a nap, had a good lunch. After all the turmoil and trouble lately, I needed that - but it doesn't make for very interesting reading !

 

Altered the Debbie in FS pajama pattern a bit. Made the lapels a bit bigger, and the collar a bit longer. I'll probably sew it up tomorrow. For now, I'm enjoying the lazy.

 

Hope your day was more exciting - but in a fun way !

At least things - m'self included - are moving forward...
Now Playing: snoring guys

 

Current Mood : Hanging on to a thicker branch

Spent on dolls today :  $1.06

 

Remember the old saw about the Suicide Prevention line putting someone on hold ? I think it's a Rodney Dangerfield shtick. Well, worse can happen - ya could get disconnected ! I wasn't dialing a suicide line, though - just a ‘crisis chat' one - and my call, having never been answered by a human, clicked twice, rang once, and dumped me out. Doesn't that make a girl feel important !

 

Called another one, where the nice lady listened to me whine for 20 minutes before I stopped. Sat there for a whole minute - yup, I timed it - with the broadcaster's nightmare, dead air. I asked if anyone was there, no answer. About thirty seconds after that, there was a scrambling noise, and she muttered, "There was something I was supposed to ask you, but I can't think of what to say." To which I replied, "Yes. That seems to happen a lot.", thanked her for her time, and hung up.

 

I've contacted our local counseling center, and they have early afternoon appointments available, so I'll be getting some therapy soon. I've also contacted the billing department of the hospital, if I fill out some forms, they'll work with us, so that's two things off my head. Just have to assemble some records, one of which will probably take most of Monday to obtain. But, hey, that's why I'm home, so I can do this stuff.

 

I was having a pretty bad morning, although it wasn't one specific thing that had me so edgy. Just a compilation of everything, with a few new annoyances. Things seem to have leveled out. Took m'self out for a treat, and found a Barbie-sized mailbox bank at the local thrift - 49c ! The detail is amazing ! Also got a great soft green sweater from the 50c rack. Also ditched the stuff the PILs found in their garage. Too bad I forgot the two bags of Dearest Son's latest outgrowns in the trunk !

 

Sorted through the bag ‘o doll clothes that need attention, and got the dirty ones washed. Those guy outfits certainly get filthy ! Some of them didn't get very clean, either. So I'll hand-wash ‘em later. The ‘need repair' ones got packed into the little case I use for on-the-go sewing. It's a small makeup case loaded with pins, thread, needles, scissors, snap fasteners, etc. And a beheaded wrecked-leg Barbie body, for fitting. If I'm gonna be sitting around Monday waiting, I may as well have something to do.

 

Got Dearest Son's old sweatsuit altered to fit Casey. I kind of hated to alter it, but this way, I can keep it and enjoy it still. Took out some of the fullness in the pant legs, moved the inseam up higher. The sleeves are too long, but those I can roll up or under. She looks so cute in it !

 

Puttered around for a while, wondering what I wanted to make next. Really, I'd love to practice those collars - like on Malibu's cherry-print PJs - some more. And now I have her pants pattern to try...I may be sewing that soon. It's been too long since I last sewed.  

 

Not much else going on. Hope the start of your weekend is wonderful !

I think I'm coming back to me...
Now Playing: quiet, still house
 

Current Mood : Returning Happy 

 

While I was working on yesterday's front-cover calendar image - you get Cinderella tomorrow, but you'll hafta wait ‘til February for the next one ! - I drove myself nuts. I was remembering an article I'd read about why, when they're in a group image, the Disney Princesses are all gazing off in different directions. You'd think that, if the imaginary photographer managed to get all these big-dress heroines in one place, he or she'd be skilled enough to get them all looking at least in the same general direction.

 

Ever try a search for one line in an article you read months ago ? I eventually found it under an effort for ‘Disney Princess Marketing'. Lots of fascinating articles there, if you're curious about where this product bonanza idea came from. Actually, it originated at an ice show for a former Nike exec hired to resuscitate the badly organized and drastically underperforming consumer products division at Disney. From the article that included a short interview with Andy Mooney :

 

"Mooney picked a mix of old and new heroines to wear the Pantone pink No. 241 corona: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Mulan and Pocahontas. It was the first time Disney marketed characters separately from a film's release, let alone lumped together those from different stories. To ensure the sanctity of what Mooney called their individual "mythologies," the princesses never make eye contact when they're grouped: each stares off in a slightly different direction as if unaware of the others' presence."

 

You can read the whole thing - it really is fascinating ! - at http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/24/magazine/24princess.t.html?ex=1324616400&en=8e5a1ac1332a802c&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss . The quoted excerpt is from the second page of the six-page article. The author goes on to explain why the pink mythos is so wrong for girls, even when she's presented with evidence to the contrary, but we're all free to draw our own conclusions. I hate Club Libby Lu, too - but I don't blame Belle and Aurora for it ! (grin).

 

Still...if they're one big princess sorority girl-power friends team, it would be nice if, say, they occasionally reacted to one another. Even if there's an activity pictured, they're each doing their own thing, completely separate from any others - literally, as if no other character was portrayed. Personally, I think they're missing out on some potentially nice images, like, say Snow White and Ariel having tea or something. Even in the Princess Story books and videos, they're rigidly segregated from each other everywhere but the cover. I guess interaction between characters is right out. Wish I could draw ! I'd have a whole series of snowball fights and pajama parties, and laughing at the latest ridiculous crap spouted on Oprah and The View. Or all the blondes going for dye jobs. I'd send ‘em all to a tattoo parlor, but Shrek 3 beat me to that idea.

 

Slow morning - got laundry and dishes done - but the afternoon was mine. I had the house all to myself ! Cleaned up the Lab, repaired Dearest Son's favorite pair of sweatpants, got the new fabric cheap-serged, new purchases were stored, and I cut one of the cardboard inserts from the calendars to go over my trash bin after Casey took a dive off the sewing table. If I hadn't heard her, she might have gone out with it ! Since it's mostly thread ends and fabric scraps, I probably would have had time to notice her absence, but still. One day, I'll cover it in a pretty fabric...maybe some stars, or a sewing themed print. Gives me another flat surface, too. Also moved Dearest's Thomas the Tank Engine toys from the Lab to a small corner of the garage - there isn't much space in there anymore, but I wanted those two bags somewhere else !

 

Hung up the box from the Simplicity Fashion Maker project. My sense of ‘wall art' is odd - the Lab walls are covered with that, three Barbie cases, my flower wreath from a long-ago Medieval Faire, a straw hat, the MP3 player and headphones, three star-shaped spray-painted cardboard boxes, the thread rack, three embroidery hoops, two bulletin boards, Japanese claw-machine Molly and Sailor Jupiter dolls, the new DPrincess calendar, and various internet printouts, with about three dozen glow-in-the-dark plastic stars sprinkled around. And two small mirror ‘disco' balls hanging from the window and light fixture. I love it in there...

 

Sorted the small bag of doll clothes into ‘those that need repair' and ‘those that need washing', and changed Baby Chrissy's outfit. She doesn't have very many winter clothes, but I found a pretty blue long-sleeved dress. Then Gracie and Casey got fresh ensembles, although I have to do some repair work to the sweatsuit Casey's now wearing. It was one of Dearest Son's - she's wearing his outgrown shoes, too ! -  and I already altered it a bit, but that fix made the inseam is too low to use the stand. Without the stand, it looks OK, but the stand pulls the crotch to where it belongs, so it looks bad. So I know what I'm doing tomorrow !

 

Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and thoughtful, kind words. I owe some folks some letters - but I'm darn tired. See you tomorrow, I hope ?

Those pesky emotions and why mothers shouldn't have any...
Now Playing: Shower sounds
 

Current Mood : Rising tides of *itchy...

Spent on dolls/sewing today : 54c, for a pair of great-fabric thrift-store pants  

 

Today was kind of a mixed bag. I got to scan the calendars I bought yesterday - and I realized that the Disney Princess one was inadequate. The little images on the back cover were too small and cut off a good chunk of fun text. So I'd need to scan the actual image every month, and it is huge. Today's front cover was two images I connected - the one of Jasmine tomorrow was, at one point, five separate images. So I apologize for the obvious lines, folds, color shifts, and bits - I can sometimes fix (or at least hide !) part of it, but it takes hours. Hope you don't mind something a bit removed from perfect !

 

I also finally got the Simplicity Fashion Maker sets scanned. Clean-up's gonna take a while though. I figured it'd be better if I spent time getting those up and ready, instead of trying to make a calendar page perfect !

 

So I had a really nice morning - Dearest Son snooped while I was in here after school and found his birthday present early, that little turkey ! Guess I shouldn't whine, he's happy and can't wait. The PILs found a box of stuff I'd given them for their yard sale and returned it - I donated the whole thing (minus some odd useless junk) to the local thrift. And found a great set of pants that'll make fantastic Barbie business suits ! I had volunteer duty at Dearest's school today, but they didn't need me. Cool !

 

The rest of the afternoon, though, was less than auspicious. Had a meeting regarding a minor change to Dearest's Individual Education Plan -IEP - and I mentioned that I was having some difficulty assimilating my lying, stealing, go-behind-my-back PILs into our family life since they moved in. A round of  knowing ‘Ohhh !'s swept the table of teachers and therapists. I then got a list of Dearest's recent behavior problems - that no one said a word about before - and they agreed that he's probably reacting to my turmoil by acting out in school.

 

Gee, golly great. I feel so good about myself now. I guess I really should give up those pesky human emotions, lest they affect my son's school performance. So I was a bit stirred up already when I got home, got two steps inside, and the PILs announced, and I quote, "We've decided to give you some quality time with your son".

 

Um, excuse me ? You've decided to give me time with MY OWN SON ? Boy, ain't I just so freakin' lucky ! Maybe if I'm extra good I'll get to sleep in my own bleepin' house tonight...in a bed ! I'm so glad you took it upon yourselves to decide what I do with my own life, because gosh knows I don't have any plans ever, and I still have to give up that annoying emotion habit. Seriously, it's not as if I'm using them for free Son-sitting. He spends maybe ten minutes with them after school - his Lego sets get more time and attention than they do. Turns out the only thing he likes about Northern Exposure is the moose and the title music, so he doesn't like to go in their room after the opening credits. I let him do just about whatever he wants to after school, and he enjoys the creative time. This is normally when I do housework, so I'm out and available if he needs me.  Don'tcha just love it when someone decides to give ya something they don't have but you already do ? It's like someone giving you the casserole dish you bought last month, but hitting you on the head with it briskly first.

 

I realize that they just didn't think on their word choice. And I'm one who'll spend hours trying to figure out a way to say or do something so no one's feelings get hurt. I can't expect them to do the same. H#ll, from my previous experiences with them, I can't expect them to give me a stray thought at all.

 

And they wonder why I'm not more social...

 

And why I have so many dolls.

A little something for each part of me...
Now Playing: Lego hitting the floor

 

Current Mood : Slightly *itchy, but increasing happiness

Spent on dolls and me today : $20.50  

 

Finally got to go to Tuesday Morning today. I'd been wanting to go since Thanksgiving, just never made it to that side of town. And it's closed for a couple weeks after Christmas. Looked it up on their website - they reopened Monday, so I knew I'd head over sometime this week.

 

I was kinda disappointed. They only had about three Barbie dolls - Boho Anna Sui for $60., Ethereal Princess for $40., and Birthday Wishes in the odd peach-skirt gown for $20. And they had Enchanted Tales Jasmine - and only Jasmine, for some reason - for $10. Spent some time eyeing the Friday Night Date gift set, it was really nice and reasonably priced at $30., but ultimately, I already have all the vintage I need. Most of what I'd want were the clothes and maybe the blonde Ken, and those just weren't worth $30. to me right now.

 

From there, I hit Hastings - since I didn't spend as much time at Tuesday Morning as I'd planned. Their calendars were 50% off, so I had a grand while looking at them all, wondering if any would be good as doll photo backdrops. The one I really liked for that unfortunately, had Bible verses all over the image, but the photos were fantastic. Too bad I couldn't use ‘em.

 

It got down to two - ‘The B Word', vintage/retro images of fashionable ladies saying wild and crazy things, and ‘Disney Princess Royal Living', more-or-less stock images of "the girls" in their signature costumes, with text arranged to simulate a magazine cover. I stood there with one in each hand, wondering which one ‘spoke' to me the most. You know how it ended, I bought both. ‘Royal Living' is in the Lab, and ‘B Word' is in the bedroom. Since they're both 16 month calendars - and whose bright idea is that, I've never seen anyone use that part of a calendar - and the publishers have thoughtfully included mini images of the entire year on the back, I'll have new images to share this week, and at the top of every month. I like to get the most out of stuff I buy !

 

I'd actually seen January's Cinderella image as a print on canvas home décor piece at Target, and was intrigued. It was the only one that store had, but I'm sure there were more. There was an empty spot for ‘em. Saw the calendar a month later, but decided to wait for a sale - and how fortunate I am that I didn't have to wait long !

 

So here's the January image from the 'B Word' calendar. Tomorrow, you get Cinderella !Wheeee !

 

I also perused the magazine rack - Haute Doll is still pretty far from where I am, doll-hobby wise, but Doll Reader had an interesting turtleneck bodysuit/denim skirt pattern for Ellowyne, another 16-inch Tonner doll. Went ahead and picked it up, too - the bodysuit looked like it'd fit Elphie, and would easily shrink down for Barbie and co. Skirt is cute, but would probably take some adaptation to fit any of my girls. Can always learn technique, even if it doesn't immediately fit anyone...and I have zero experience with pleats.

 

So I got a little something for each part of me - the wannabe princess, the absolute B-word, the doll hobbyist, and learning sewist. Not bad for $20. !

 

You may have noticed I'm not complaining about my ILs, and frankly, today wasn't much better than yesterday. But I'm not letting their crap wreck my life. They wanna waste the rest of their lives watching subdural hematoma-inducing reruns, that's their choice...but they don't get to reef off my life. It's up to Beloved, if supporting two folks who do next to nothing all day bothers him, to say something to them. I'm out of it.

 

There's too much life - Dearest Son's birthday is this week ! - and too many projects and dolls to enjoy for me to let anger, frustration, and annoyance get in the way. I simply have too many issues with what they're doing with their lives to let it bother me anymore. Just gonna let it go. My PILs are just gonna have to find their own way.

There. Are. No. Words.
Now Playing: Northern freakin' Exposure, for all I care.

 

Current Mood : Righteous Indignation 

 

I've about had it. There's not much more I can take here. I'm busting my azz to give them privacy, respect, and space...and they keep pushing it ! And me.

 

I'm sorry to keep dragging on and on about my PILs, but I'm about to lose it. Beloved Hubby and I made time for each other this morning, going out for a nice breakfast and airing some of our issues. He's got a bunch of ‘em, too, but he's been aware of their crap since childhood. For me, this is all new crap.

 

Remember the stupid drama I so-subtly alluded to back on Christmas Eve ? As the whole mess began, it was established that the PILs were going to stay at Aunt and Uncle's. They have more room and a more retired lifestyle. But as the crap began to circle the drain, MIL cried to us that Uncle told them he'd cease his medical treatments if they came to live with them again. Uncle's pretty close to the thin black line as it is, with treatment. At the time, Beloved and I were upset that Uncle and Aunt would say such a thing - it was waaaay out of character, and almost seems abusive - that would hurt much more than a simple, ‘Sorry. Can't do it'. So we offered to let them stay here.

 

The offer was initially gently refused, then a day before they arrived bed and baggage, they said they'd rather be here. Turns out that MIL told a bit of a lie. The center where Uncle gets treatment is shutting down. He'll have to travel to get it, and he doesn't really want to. It had NOTHING to do with the PILs staying with them. And she knew it. She decided at the last minute she'd rather be here, since Aunt and Uncle imposed rules on them last time, and she wanted a chunk of the sympathy pie she thought the rest of the old women in the family were getting from all this stupid, meaningless drama. On Christmas freakin' Eve. Unbelievable.

 

But wait ! There's more ! Remember when they told me they'd have to start paying roughly most of what they get from Disability to her medical insurance and prescriptions ? Let's say, for numbers, they get US$750./month. They told me that her med stuff would cost $500./month. They told Beloved it'd be $300./month.  Why ? Sympathy, Beloved thinks. And so we wouldn't expect anything from them, not even the truck payments they promised to resume months ago.

 

And there's more than that. Tonight, I was helping Beloved in the Shop. Mostly to keep him company, but I was holding boards for the saw, stacking stuff, etc. FIL comes down, watches for a few, and I pull on a board, a definite no-no. Beloved snaps at me a bit, and FIL swings into high, bumps me aside, and starts doing what I had been. NO one asked him to. I stood there, hardly believing this. He'd promised all day to help Beloved, but instead sat around with MIL, watching (all together now !) Northern Exposure all morning. And he shows up now to help, at 7pm ? And pushes me aside ?

 

Oh, he evidently caught the look on my face, because he started to apologize, but I was just not interested in hearing it. This is the man who told me I needed to grow up - and two years later, helped himself to one of my surgery medicines. I'm just not big enough to forgive him for either yet, and both come to my mind most times I look at him. I locked myself in the Lab and wondered what the h#ll happened to my life. This ended in yet another discussion between Beloved and me, and I'm at my rope's end. He's not faring any better, but at least we're on the same side. The one for getting them the ^%$# out of here ! I still don't know why they need sympathy so bad. I haven't felt it for either of them in years ! I've been nodding and smiling all this time. Which, evidently, was a bad thing to do.

 

The few rays of sunshine today came from the fact that they're supposed to hear about FIL's Disability claim within 10 days. He's hoping it'll be enough to get the house back, but Beloved and I seriously doubt the bank's willing to even talk with them every again. I know the feeling.

 

So, as today ends, I actually feel better, because I don't have to pretend anymore. Here or at home. I've tried so hard to respect them, but I don't think I need to now. I actually worried that they'd read this and get upset. Don't care about that now, obviously ! Maybe I'm every bit the selfish witch I sometimes fear I am. But some toads are just toads, no matter what you invest in ‘em. I've been trying to not let their issues/behavior/events affect what I do, but they keep involving themselves. Well, they can keep trying, because I'm disengaged. Far as I'm concerned, they're here, but I choose not to deal with their crap.

 

So. How was your day ?