Current Mood : Rising tides of *itchy...

Spent on dolls/sewing today : 54c, for a pair of great-fabric thrift-store pants  

Today was kind of a mixed bag. I got to scan the calendars I bought yesterday - and I realized that the Disney Princess one was inadequate. The little images on the back cover were too small and cut off a good chunk of fun text. So I'd need to scan the actual image every month, and it is huge. Today's front cover was two images I connected - the one of Jasmine tomorrow was, at one point, five separate images. So I apologize for the obvious lines, folds, color shifts, and bits - I can sometimes fix (or at least hide !) part of it, but it takes hours. Hope you don't mind something a bit removed from perfect !

I also finally got the Simplicity Fashion Maker sets scanned. Clean-up's gonna take a while though. I figured it'd be better if I spent time getting those up and ready, instead of trying to make a calendar page perfect !

So I had a really nice morning - Dearest Son snooped while I was in here after school and found his birthday present early, that little turkey ! Guess I shouldn't whine, he's happy and can't wait. The PILs found a box of stuff I'd given them for their yard sale and returned it - I donated the whole thing (minus some odd useless junk) to the local thrift. And found a great set of pants that'll make fantastic Barbie business suits ! I had volunteer duty at Dearest's school today, but they didn't need me. Cool !

The rest of the afternoon, though, was less than auspicious. Had a meeting regarding a minor change to Dearest's Individual Education Plan -IEP - and I mentioned that I was having some difficulty assimilating my lying, stealing, go-behind-my-back PILs into our family life since they moved in. A round of  knowing ‘Ohhh !'s swept the table of teachers and therapists. I then got a list of Dearest's recent behavior problems - that no one said a word about before - and they agreed that he's probably reacting to my turmoil by acting out in school.

Gee, golly great. I feel so good about myself now. I guess I really should give up those pesky human emotions, lest they affect my son's school performance. So I was a bit stirred up already when I got home, got two steps inside, and the PILs announced, and I quote, "We've decided to give you some quality time with your son".

Um, excuse me ? You've decided to give me time with MY OWN SON ? Boy, ain't I just so freakin' lucky ! Maybe if I'm extra good I'll get to sleep in my own bleepin' house tonight...in a bed ! I'm so glad you took it upon yourselves to decide what I do with my own life, because gosh knows I don't have any plans ever, and I still have to give up that annoying emotion habit. Seriously, it's not as if I'm using them for free Son-sitting. He spends maybe ten minutes with them after school - his Lego sets get more time and attention than they do. Turns out the only thing he likes about Northern Exposure is the moose and the title music, so he doesn't like to go in their room after the opening credits. I let him do just about whatever he wants to after school, and he enjoys the creative time. This is normally when I do housework, so I'm out and available if he needs me.  Don'tcha just love it when someone decides to give ya something they don't have but you already do ? It's like someone giving you the casserole dish you bought last month, but hitting you on the head with it briskly first.

I realize that they just didn't think on their word choice. And I'm one who'll spend hours trying to figure out a way to say or do something so no one's feelings get hurt. I can't expect them to do the same. H#ll, from my previous experiences with them, I can't expect them to give me a stray thought at all.

And they wonder why I'm not more social...

And why I have so many dolls.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:30 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Slightly *itchy, but increasing happiness

Spent on dolls and me today : $20.50  

Finally got to go to Tuesday Morning today. I'd been wanting to go since Thanksgiving, just never made it to that side of town. And it's closed for a couple weeks after Christmas. Looked it up on their website - they reopened Monday, so I knew I'd head over sometime this week.

I was kinda disappointed. They only had about three Barbie dolls - Boho Anna Sui for $60., Ethereal Princess for $40., and Birthday Wishes in the odd peach-skirt gown for $20. And they had Enchanted Tales Jasmine - and only Jasmine, for some reason - for $10. Spent some time eyeing the Friday Night Date gift set, it was really nice and reasonably priced at $30., but ultimately, I already have all the vintage I need. Most of what I'd want were the clothes and maybe the blonde Ken, and those just weren't worth $30. to me right now.

From there, I hit Hastings - since I didn't spend as much time at Tuesday Morning as I'd planned. Their calendars were 50% off, so I had a grand while looking at them all, wondering if any would be good as doll photo backdrops. The one I really liked for that unfortunately, had Bible verses all over the image, but the photos were fantastic. Too bad I couldn't use ‘em.

It got down to two - ‘The B Word', vintage/retro images of fashionable ladies saying wild and crazy things, and ‘Disney Princess Royal Living', more-or-less stock images of "the girls" in their signature costumes, with text arranged to simulate a magazine cover. I stood there with one in each hand, wondering which one ‘spoke' to me the most. You know how it ended, I bought both. ‘Royal Living' is in the Lab, and ‘B Word' is in the bedroom. Since they're both 16 month calendars - and whose bright idea is that, I've never seen anyone use that part of a calendar - and the publishers have thoughtfully included mini images of the entire year on the back, I'll have new images to share this week, and at the top of every month. I like to get the most out of stuff I buy !

I'd actually seen January's Cinderella image as a print on canvas home décor piece at Target, and was intrigued. It was the only one that store had, but I'm sure there were more. There was an empty spot for ‘em. Saw the calendar a month later, but decided to wait for a sale - and how fortunate I am that I didn't have to wait long !

So here's the January image from the 'B Word' calendar. Tomorrow, you get Cinderella !Wheeee !

I also perused the magazine rack - Haute Doll is still pretty far from where I am, doll-hobby wise, but Doll Reader had an interesting turtleneck bodysuit/denim skirt pattern for Ellowyne, another 16-inch Tonner doll. Went ahead and picked it up, too - the bodysuit looked like it'd fit Elphie, and would easily shrink down for Barbie and co. Skirt is cute, but would probably take some adaptation to fit any of my girls. Can always learn technique, even if it doesn't immediately fit anyone...and I have zero experience with pleats.

So I got a little something for each part of me - the wannabe princess, the absolute B-word, the doll hobbyist, and learning sewist. Not bad for $20. !

You may have noticed I'm not complaining about my ILs, and frankly, today wasn't much better than yesterday. But I'm not letting their crap wreck my life. They wanna waste the rest of their lives watching subdural hematoma-inducing reruns, that's their choice...but they don't get to reef off my life. It's up to Beloved, if supporting two folks who do next to nothing all day bothers him, to say something to them. I'm out of it.

There's too much life - Dearest Son's birthday is this week ! - and too many projects and dolls to enjoy for me to let anger, frustration, and annoyance get in the way. I simply have too many issues with what they're doing with their lives to let it bother me anymore. Just gonna let it go. My PILs are just gonna have to find their own way.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:29 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Righteous Indignation 

I've about had it. There's not much more I can take here. I'm busting my azz to give them privacy, respect, and space...and they keep pushing it ! And me.

I'm sorry to keep dragging on and on about my PILs, but I'm about to lose it. Beloved Hubby and I made time for each other this morning, going out for a nice breakfast and airing some of our issues. He's got a bunch of ‘em, too, but he's been aware of their crap since childhood. For me, this is all new crap.

Remember the stupid drama I so-subtly alluded to back on Christmas Eve ? As the whole mess began, it was established that the PILs were going to stay at Aunt and Uncle's. They have more room and a more retired lifestyle. But as the crap began to circle the drain, MIL cried to us that Uncle told them he'd cease his medical treatments if they came to live with them again. Uncle's pretty close to the thin black line as it is, with treatment. At the time, Beloved and I were upset that Uncle and Aunt would say such a thing - it was waaaay out of character, and almost seems abusive - that would hurt much more than a simple, ‘Sorry. Can't do it'. So we offered to let them stay here.

The offer was initially gently refused, then a day before they arrived bed and baggage, they said they'd rather be here. Turns out that MIL told a bit of a lie. The center where Uncle gets treatment is shutting down. He'll have to travel to get it, and he doesn't really want to. It had NOTHING to do with the PILs staying with them. And she knew it. She decided at the last minute she'd rather be here, since Aunt and Uncle imposed rules on them last time, and she wanted a chunk of the sympathy pie she thought the rest of the old women in the family were getting from all this stupid, meaningless drama. On Christmas freakin' Eve. Unbelievable.

But wait ! There's more ! Remember when they told me they'd have to start paying roughly most of what they get from Disability to her medical insurance and prescriptions ? Let's say, for numbers, they get US$750./month. They told me that her med stuff would cost $500./month. They told Beloved it'd be $300./month.  Why ? Sympathy, Beloved thinks. And so we wouldn't expect anything from them, not even the truck payments they promised to resume months ago.

And there's more than that. Tonight, I was helping Beloved in the Shop. Mostly to keep him company, but I was holding boards for the saw, stacking stuff, etc. FIL comes down, watches for a few, and I pull on a board, a definite no-no. Beloved snaps at me a bit, and FIL swings into high, bumps me aside, and starts doing what I had been. NO one asked him to. I stood there, hardly believing this. He'd promised all day to help Beloved, but instead sat around with MIL, watching (all together now !) Northern Exposure all morning. And he shows up now to help, at 7pm ? And pushes me aside ?

Oh, he evidently caught the look on my face, because he started to apologize, but I was just not interested in hearing it. This is the man who told me I needed to grow up - and two years later, helped himself to one of my surgery medicines. I'm just not big enough to forgive him for either yet, and both come to my mind most times I look at him. I locked myself in the Lab and wondered what the h#ll happened to my life. This ended in yet another discussion between Beloved and me, and I'm at my rope's end. He's not faring any better, but at least we're on the same side. The one for getting them the ^%$# out of here ! I still don't know why they need sympathy so bad. I haven't felt it for either of them in years ! I've been nodding and smiling all this time. Which, evidently, was a bad thing to do.

The few rays of sunshine today came from the fact that they're supposed to hear about FIL's Disability claim within 10 days. He's hoping it'll be enough to get the house back, but Beloved and I seriously doubt the bank's willing to even talk with them every again. I know the feeling.

So, as today ends, I actually feel better, because I don't have to pretend anymore. Here or at home. I've tried so hard to respect them, but I don't think I need to now. I actually worried that they'd read this and get upset. Don't care about that now, obviously ! Maybe I'm every bit the selfish witch I sometimes fear I am. But some toads are just toads, no matter what you invest in ‘em. I've been trying to not let their issues/behavior/events affect what I do, but they keep involving themselves. Well, they can keep trying, because I'm disengaged. Far as I'm concerned, they're here, but I choose not to deal with their crap.

So. How was your day ?

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:29 PM CDT

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Just not a lot going on. Slept most of the day. Hope next week is a little easier on my psyche ! At this rate, I'll start receiving 'thank you' notes from Kleenex during the next stockholder's meeting.

See ya tomorrow - maybe I'll be in a better mood...or magically will have turned into a better person. (sigh)

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

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Well, one of the Dearest Son issues came up this weekend. Had talks with Dearest, reminding him that Friday would be the last time, he was getting to be a big guy now. He understood, and I felt glad I'd compromised.

Until tonight. MIL asked what his bedtime arrangements were, and I told her. She then did expressly what I'd told Dearest he couldn't do any longer - and Beloved had spoken to them about it Thursday.

So, in the end, MIL is making sad faces and sighing, "We have to do what Mommy says" in a resigned, tearful voice, Dearest is upset, and Beloved more or less shrugs. I'm again the bad, evil person who doesn't let anyone else have any fun, and the mean old grinch. And their over-dependent cat is yowling. No kidding, I've never seen such a dependent cat. Most felines, when you shuffle That Which The Cat Ordains As Good, they squirt from under your touch in their unique boneless way, you don't see ‘em for a few days, and then, one day, communication is restored when they crap in your shoes, lingerie drawer, or bed. Their cat cries when they go to the bathroom. And yowls even when they're both right there.

I'm trying really hard here, guys. And I don't appreciate being ignored and treated badly over something that's already been discussed beforehand. Encouraging Dearest to misbehave and run to you - over events that you know don't fly ‘round here - is pretty d@mn low. You're not doing much to keep me from resenting you...

And today they told me that next month, they have to start paying most of what they have to MIL's health premiums. So I have no idea how they're gonna start paying for their own vehicle and getting out of here.

I feel trapped...

But there was some nice things today. I sort of have a miniature dress-form/mannequin collection, on the windowsill above the sewing machine. I'd been eyeing this Fashion Fever jewelry box that had one attached - it was too expensive at full retail, and still a bit pricey on eBay. One flea market booth owner had one since October - $12. wasn't bad, but still a bit more than I wanted to shell. Here's an image link - http://www.katyskollectibles.com/Default.aspx?tabid=28&pageid=product&prodid=3123

This weekend, it was on the ‘half off' table ! $6. ? Score ! Dress form, doll outfit, small storage container, and a semi-tacky bead/charm bracelet ? Oh, yeah ! Bracelet even fits my fat wrist. Too bad the shoes and sunglasses on it are molded in a way as to be totally useless to a doll. The one thing I wouldn't use - the tiny pink purse - is, of course, completely functional. I even salvaged the circle backdrop from the packaging.

And I found how to thank you for putting up with all this !

Scored this for a mere buck, and even though the thread, pins, scissors, and such are gone, there's enough here for a fun project. Someone carefully cut out all the pieces - only one's missing - and tried to sew a few, but gave up. What I'm gonna do is scan the pieces, clean ‘em up, and post them to the main site as free patterns with complete illustrated directions.

It'll take me a while, but I can use a good project to get my mind off things. And I'm happy to do it for all the support you've given me, especially recently. Your advice, praise, and attention has been invaluable, and there's no real way for me to repay that, but I'd like to do *something* ! Picked apart the partially-sewn pieces and read over the directions. Tomorrow, I iron and scan, maybe start cleaning ‘em up. I'll let you know how it's going ! They're simple pieces that all of us can learn a lot from.

I think this is just what I need - and maybe something you can use ? What'cha think ?

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:29 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Raw but healing 

I've started and restarted this one a few times, and earlier in the week, too. Facts are, my emotions are still darn near raw and bleeding, but I'm trying to get over it. I appreciate your patience. Some good things happened this week, so I'll probably go back and fill in later. But I didn't want all three of ya'll to worry about lil' ole psycho me...

OK. So. The ILs are here, and almost exactly one hour after I got the call, here they were, bed and baggage. And refrigerator and a few hundred more bags and boxes. (sigh) It's taken me some time to get used to things - stuff that doesn't bug me when I hear it twice a week (like their pet name for Dearest Son) gets on my nerves fast when I'm hearing it about eight to ten times a day. I'm harboring serious resentment over the whole thing, especially after I found out that Beloved Hubby is the one who talked them into moving that day - darn near that hour -  instead of waiting. Said their wrecked house was that depressing. Thanks, honey, for the consideration...

This really bugs me down deep, because it had me feeling that my input isn't needed, even though their day-in, day-out presence impacts my life a lot more than it does his, or simply wasn't considered at all. I'm sorry, but I save my pity for those who didn't swan-dive into the lake of s%it, and isn't expecting a slave-borne litter ride out of it without so much as raising a hand. I resent having to bail out folks who are my age plus twenty years, who've told me to my face that I need to grow up. I may be immature, but I can balance a *&^ing checkbook, FIL ! And this exact circumstance has happened to them several times before - it's why we're quite literally the only place for them to go. The ‘Help Me' card wears out fast when it's presented every other day.

Add to my frustration is that it's come to my attention that some family members read this. So, am I honest with myself, or do I paste on yet another insipid smile and pretend ? Aw, h#ll naw. I'm having to do that enough in my own blasted house, I should have a few places where I can be myself. Sorry if my true feelings hurt theirs, and I'll say this now, if one thing I write here is not the honest fact, I'll apologize publicly and take it down. My interpretation is mine own, but I'll do my best to stick to the facts. I was sort of a journalism minor, after all.

Anyway. I had three days of sheer h#ll, of resenting every little thing, from their big-screen TV being on all night, to my having to be fully dressed darn near every moment, to their cat's yowling. Yup, Domino went to live with BIL so their cat could live here. Their cat, let's call him Traveller, doesn't get along with the other cat in BIL's living arrangement. At least Domino has a happy home, he's already quelled the other cats' protests where he is, but again, there's a twinge of resentment over it.

I finally blew up Wednesday night, and Beloved and I hashed things out. Y'see, we hadn't had time to discuss things like them paying for their vehicle (we've been paying for it and insurance for them since May or June) or some sort of rent, and I just wasn't comfortable having people living here who expected us to continue to nursemaid them forever. They have kinda-sorta agreed to live in an RV of some sort - if they find one they like, they expect us to buy it and help set it up ! They may be able to get some land somewhere, but we may have to provide that, too. I'd love to know where they think we have that kind of money !

So I'm looking at having folks older than me completely dependent on us, with no ‘exit strategy'. And Beloved couldn't figure out why I was so upset over every little thing. He's working longer hours to pay for their moving, so all of Dearest's care was on me, and having to deal with M&FIL moping around complaining about their lives just drove me over the edge. It's still not really resolved, other than we'll have ‘the talk' next week, but I think I've finally come to terms. My Lab locks, and so does our bedroom, and that's a help. Still, though, when I think of the whole situation, I could just scream, because I'm leaving a lot out. Like the stick-to-your-shoes carpet over there clashing with five various vacuums and floor shark-type devices that are now in our garage.

I know I'm being petty and small in a bad situation. But unless there's some sort of plan, I can see them getting comfy with the whole setup and being here for years. I won't be. Who is and isn't here next year is pretty much up to Beloved at this point. Well, it's up to me, too, but I don't see the IL's getting as stirred up about it as me.

So that's where things are. I'm goin' to the flea market tomorrow. If there's one good thing out of all this, it's that he's made sure I can go wherever I want whenever, with a few bucks. It's probably an effort to keep me pacified, but I'll take it ! It took me a few days before I'd leave the house while they remained. Make of that what you will...

ninjaedit : changed Shinobu's eye color from brown to green. Like mine !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:28 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Searching 

Despite the Beloved Hubby platitudes that so ticked me off last night, he is right. Anger's tearing me up and not helping anything. That doesn't mean it's not justified or meaningless. I have every right to be upset at living my personal worst nightmare, especially when I had next to no say or warning about it. It just means I need better ways of dealing.

So I went on a half-hour walk. Locked the Lab and bedroom, grabbed the MP3. One of the nice things about having 8 acres to mow is having 8 acres of space to wander in - I don't have to worry about trespassing or being where I'm a problem. Wasn't even very cold, and I can always use the exercise.

Came to a few conclusions that aren't really important, and gained a few insights. I feel better equipped to deal with things, and Beloved and I really are on the same sheet of sound - we're just playing different instruments. Just hope I can keep this strength up for a while. We still haven't had ‘the talk' yet.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:28 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Variably explosive and weepy. 

I honestly don't know if I can go through this anymore. They're always here, I don't feel like I have a way out, and much as I'd like to just hide away, I can't. As soon as my footfalls hit the linoleum, there they are. I'm so scared I'm gonna let my words fly - and they'll hurt -  that I can't say anything so I smack on this idiotic smile and pretend. I don't know how much longer I can. At first, I thought this living arrangement would only be for a few weeks, but...they're talking months. Last time they moved in with a relative it was for over a year !

I tried to focus on other things. I slept more, and was on the computer more than was healthy, but I'm still tense. I don't want to leave while they're still here. I can hear that darn cat yowling like he has been since last night, and I want to yell that he can take his four paws back to their old house if it's so hateful here. Among other things I wanna yell...

I know I'm letting my anger rule. I know I'm over-emotional. But I also know that this is my worst nightmare, and I seem to be the only one who has a problem with it. Talked with Beloved Hubby tonight, in whispers so they wouldn't hear, but he just wanted to give me platitudes about anger and letting things go. He's probably right, but who wants to hear words engraved on plaques over at Hallmark when you're about to explode and no one cares ? I'm really starting to worry about my marriage and my own sanity...

Sorry. I'm still not much on dolls right now. I'll try to get a grip, but right now...(sigh)

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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Current Mood: Breathing deep.

(sigh) Ok, everything's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna work out, and stuff.

Eventually, I'll get back to why I'm supposed to be here, playin' with dolls. But today, I'm frustrated and ticked and tired. All I've heard all day whenever my ILs are here is Northern Exposure - I had no idea that whine-fest had so many episodes. Beloved Hubby sort of embarrassed me into realizing years ago that I had the TV on for noise, then complained about feeling crowded in my own head...if they're here, the TV's on (we turned ours off four years ago, and don't even have rabbit-ear broadcasts, mostly because of Dearest Son's reactions to loud stimulation), and it's playing Northern Exposure. So I did this idiotic graphic just to put me out of my own misery. I really have nothing at all against moose.

But problems are already forming. Found out they've been disregarding some of our wishes regarding Dearest Son. While we can't control what went on there and then, we darn sure can in our own house now. Luckily Dearest's birthday is rapidly approaching, so we can couch it as ‘boys his age...' instead of harsher terms. For both him and the ILs.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Cautious but OK

Spent on Dolls today : $12.13

Well, today began OK. Did the usual grocery shopping, and runnin' around. Mal-Wart's having some toy sales, and wouldn'tcha know, the brunette Groom Ken was on markdown ! Yup, he's darn near identical to Beach Fun Ken, except for their hair color. No problems here, they'll just be brothers ! I liked his look, so for $9., into the cart he went. I prefer to look at it this way - cheaper than buying him used with a blonde doll and busted R/C Jeep I don't want for $14. at the flea market. Plus, I get a cheap-satin tuxedo instead of a ratty pair of swim trunks. It's all good.

My ILs are too tired to head over to their house to resume packing, so they more or less flopped around the house watching Northern Exposure DVDs. Let's just say that I had to watch that show before, years ago, and I got through it by imagining bribing other cast members to drive over WhinyBoy with a sharpened snowplow. Apologies to any fans, it just didn't connect with me. Wouldn't hurt my feelings if you didn't like Venture Bros. , all shows are acquired tastes, after all. As it turns out, it's their favorite, so I've heard it all day. Thank Everything for headphone MP3 players !

One of the reasons I was so upset about the change in plans was because I'd wanted to have some things done before they got here. Like dishes. It's hypocritical of me to expect them to keep things clean if I don't. So I spent most of today cleaning. We haven't had time to chat about house rules and mutual expectations, and Beloved Hubby's predicting a long work-week, so I'm a bit squirrelly.

Took it out by removing all of Casey's matted hair. Wow. Her head is so small next to the other dolls and bald ! Accidentally removed a few eyelash strands too, darn it ! I started thinking....Y'know, the body I had for Casey was kind of pale for her yellowish head. I grabbed Poison Ivy - now *there* was a good match. But that left poor Casey bodiless again. Not for long ! Turns out, that $4.98 Hillary Duff doll has nearly the same color body - a bit pinker, not much - than the one I had on Casey. A quick shuffle later, and poom ! Pamela (Ivy) has a nice, new non-bendy body, Casey has a slightly smaller body better suited to her, and the Hillary doll's head fit the bendy body just fine for donations. Whee ! Pretty much all the dolls I wanted to rebody are done ! Darn near dirt cheap !

I still have a bodiless PJ head with a purple stain - I got cheap Oxy-10 for that today, too - a pretty brunette pale head, and a #4 body that doesn't match anybody. But around here, you never know what you'll find next !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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