Just not a lot going on. Slept most of the day. Hope next week is a little easier on my psyche ! At this rate, I'll start receiving 'thank you' notes from Kleenex during the next stockholder's meeting.

See ya tomorrow - maybe I'll be in a better mood...or magically will have turned into a better person. (sigh)

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

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Well, one of the Dearest Son issues came up this weekend. Had talks with Dearest, reminding him that Friday would be the last time, he was getting to be a big guy now. He understood, and I felt glad I'd compromised.

Until tonight. MIL asked what his bedtime arrangements were, and I told her. She then did expressly what I'd told Dearest he couldn't do any longer - and Beloved had spoken to them about it Thursday.

So, in the end, MIL is making sad faces and sighing, "We have to do what Mommy says" in a resigned, tearful voice, Dearest is upset, and Beloved more or less shrugs. I'm again the bad, evil person who doesn't let anyone else have any fun, and the mean old grinch. And their over-dependent cat is yowling. No kidding, I've never seen such a dependent cat. Most felines, when you shuffle That Which The Cat Ordains As Good, they squirt from under your touch in their unique boneless way, you don't see ‘em for a few days, and then, one day, communication is restored when they crap in your shoes, lingerie drawer, or bed. Their cat cries when they go to the bathroom. And yowls even when they're both right there.

I'm trying really hard here, guys. And I don't appreciate being ignored and treated badly over something that's already been discussed beforehand. Encouraging Dearest to misbehave and run to you - over events that you know don't fly ‘round here - is pretty d@mn low. You're not doing much to keep me from resenting you...

And today they told me that next month, they have to start paying most of what they have to MIL's health premiums. So I have no idea how they're gonna start paying for their own vehicle and getting out of here.

I feel trapped...

But there was some nice things today. I sort of have a miniature dress-form/mannequin collection, on the windowsill above the sewing machine. I'd been eyeing this Fashion Fever jewelry box that had one attached - it was too expensive at full retail, and still a bit pricey on eBay. One flea market booth owner had one since October - $12. wasn't bad, but still a bit more than I wanted to shell. Here's an image link - http://www.katyskollectibles.com/Default.aspx?tabid=28&pageid=product&prodid=3123

This weekend, it was on the ‘half off' table ! $6. ? Score ! Dress form, doll outfit, small storage container, and a semi-tacky bead/charm bracelet ? Oh, yeah ! Bracelet even fits my fat wrist. Too bad the shoes and sunglasses on it are molded in a way as to be totally useless to a doll. The one thing I wouldn't use - the tiny pink purse - is, of course, completely functional. I even salvaged the circle backdrop from the packaging.

And I found how to thank you for putting up with all this !

Scored this for a mere buck, and even though the thread, pins, scissors, and such are gone, there's enough here for a fun project. Someone carefully cut out all the pieces - only one's missing - and tried to sew a few, but gave up. What I'm gonna do is scan the pieces, clean ‘em up, and post them to the main site as free patterns with complete illustrated directions.

It'll take me a while, but I can use a good project to get my mind off things. And I'm happy to do it for all the support you've given me, especially recently. Your advice, praise, and attention has been invaluable, and there's no real way for me to repay that, but I'd like to do *something* ! Picked apart the partially-sewn pieces and read over the directions. Tomorrow, I iron and scan, maybe start cleaning ‘em up. I'll let you know how it's going ! They're simple pieces that all of us can learn a lot from.

I think this is just what I need - and maybe something you can use ? What'cha think ?

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:29 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Raw but healing 

I've started and restarted this one a few times, and earlier in the week, too. Facts are, my emotions are still darn near raw and bleeding, but I'm trying to get over it. I appreciate your patience. Some good things happened this week, so I'll probably go back and fill in later. But I didn't want all three of ya'll to worry about lil' ole psycho me...

OK. So. The ILs are here, and almost exactly one hour after I got the call, here they were, bed and baggage. And refrigerator and a few hundred more bags and boxes. (sigh) It's taken me some time to get used to things - stuff that doesn't bug me when I hear it twice a week (like their pet name for Dearest Son) gets on my nerves fast when I'm hearing it about eight to ten times a day. I'm harboring serious resentment over the whole thing, especially after I found out that Beloved Hubby is the one who talked them into moving that day - darn near that hour -  instead of waiting. Said their wrecked house was that depressing. Thanks, honey, for the consideration...

This really bugs me down deep, because it had me feeling that my input isn't needed, even though their day-in, day-out presence impacts my life a lot more than it does his, or simply wasn't considered at all. I'm sorry, but I save my pity for those who didn't swan-dive into the lake of s%it, and isn't expecting a slave-borne litter ride out of it without so much as raising a hand. I resent having to bail out folks who are my age plus twenty years, who've told me to my face that I need to grow up. I may be immature, but I can balance a *&^ing checkbook, FIL ! And this exact circumstance has happened to them several times before - it's why we're quite literally the only place for them to go. The ‘Help Me' card wears out fast when it's presented every other day.

Add to my frustration is that it's come to my attention that some family members read this. So, am I honest with myself, or do I paste on yet another insipid smile and pretend ? Aw, h#ll naw. I'm having to do that enough in my own blasted house, I should have a few places where I can be myself. Sorry if my true feelings hurt theirs, and I'll say this now, if one thing I write here is not the honest fact, I'll apologize publicly and take it down. My interpretation is mine own, but I'll do my best to stick to the facts. I was sort of a journalism minor, after all.

Anyway. I had three days of sheer h#ll, of resenting every little thing, from their big-screen TV being on all night, to my having to be fully dressed darn near every moment, to their cat's yowling. Yup, Domino went to live with BIL so their cat could live here. Their cat, let's call him Traveller, doesn't get along with the other cat in BIL's living arrangement. At least Domino has a happy home, he's already quelled the other cats' protests where he is, but again, there's a twinge of resentment over it.

I finally blew up Wednesday night, and Beloved and I hashed things out. Y'see, we hadn't had time to discuss things like them paying for their vehicle (we've been paying for it and insurance for them since May or June) or some sort of rent, and I just wasn't comfortable having people living here who expected us to continue to nursemaid them forever. They have kinda-sorta agreed to live in an RV of some sort - if they find one they like, they expect us to buy it and help set it up ! They may be able to get some land somewhere, but we may have to provide that, too. I'd love to know where they think we have that kind of money !

So I'm looking at having folks older than me completely dependent on us, with no ‘exit strategy'. And Beloved couldn't figure out why I was so upset over every little thing. He's working longer hours to pay for their moving, so all of Dearest's care was on me, and having to deal with M&FIL moping around complaining about their lives just drove me over the edge. It's still not really resolved, other than we'll have ‘the talk' next week, but I think I've finally come to terms. My Lab locks, and so does our bedroom, and that's a help. Still, though, when I think of the whole situation, I could just scream, because I'm leaving a lot out. Like the stick-to-your-shoes carpet over there clashing with five various vacuums and floor shark-type devices that are now in our garage.

I know I'm being petty and small in a bad situation. But unless there's some sort of plan, I can see them getting comfy with the whole setup and being here for years. I won't be. Who is and isn't here next year is pretty much up to Beloved at this point. Well, it's up to me, too, but I don't see the IL's getting as stirred up about it as me.

So that's where things are. I'm goin' to the flea market tomorrow. If there's one good thing out of all this, it's that he's made sure I can go wherever I want whenever, with a few bucks. It's probably an effort to keep me pacified, but I'll take it ! It took me a few days before I'd leave the house while they remained. Make of that what you will...

ninjaedit : changed Shinobu's eye color from brown to green. Like mine !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:28 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Searching 

Despite the Beloved Hubby platitudes that so ticked me off last night, he is right. Anger's tearing me up and not helping anything. That doesn't mean it's not justified or meaningless. I have every right to be upset at living my personal worst nightmare, especially when I had next to no say or warning about it. It just means I need better ways of dealing.

So I went on a half-hour walk. Locked the Lab and bedroom, grabbed the MP3. One of the nice things about having 8 acres to mow is having 8 acres of space to wander in - I don't have to worry about trespassing or being where I'm a problem. Wasn't even very cold, and I can always use the exercise.

Came to a few conclusions that aren't really important, and gained a few insights. I feel better equipped to deal with things, and Beloved and I really are on the same sheet of sound - we're just playing different instruments. Just hope I can keep this strength up for a while. We still haven't had ‘the talk' yet.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:28 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Variably explosive and weepy. 

I honestly don't know if I can go through this anymore. They're always here, I don't feel like I have a way out, and much as I'd like to just hide away, I can't. As soon as my footfalls hit the linoleum, there they are. I'm so scared I'm gonna let my words fly - and they'll hurt -  that I can't say anything so I smack on this idiotic smile and pretend. I don't know how much longer I can. At first, I thought this living arrangement would only be for a few weeks, but...they're talking months. Last time they moved in with a relative it was for over a year !

I tried to focus on other things. I slept more, and was on the computer more than was healthy, but I'm still tense. I don't want to leave while they're still here. I can hear that darn cat yowling like he has been since last night, and I want to yell that he can take his four paws back to their old house if it's so hateful here. Among other things I wanna yell...

I know I'm letting my anger rule. I know I'm over-emotional. But I also know that this is my worst nightmare, and I seem to be the only one who has a problem with it. Talked with Beloved Hubby tonight, in whispers so they wouldn't hear, but he just wanted to give me platitudes about anger and letting things go. He's probably right, but who wants to hear words engraved on plaques over at Hallmark when you're about to explode and no one cares ? I'm really starting to worry about my marriage and my own sanity...

Sorry. I'm still not much on dolls right now. I'll try to get a grip, but right now...(sigh)

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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Current Mood: Breathing deep.

(sigh) Ok, everything's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna work out, and stuff.

Eventually, I'll get back to why I'm supposed to be here, playin' with dolls. But today, I'm frustrated and ticked and tired. All I've heard all day whenever my ILs are here is Northern Exposure - I had no idea that whine-fest had so many episodes. Beloved Hubby sort of embarrassed me into realizing years ago that I had the TV on for noise, then complained about feeling crowded in my own head...if they're here, the TV's on (we turned ours off four years ago, and don't even have rabbit-ear broadcasts, mostly because of Dearest Son's reactions to loud stimulation), and it's playing Northern Exposure. So I did this idiotic graphic just to put me out of my own misery. I really have nothing at all against moose.

But problems are already forming. Found out they've been disregarding some of our wishes regarding Dearest Son. While we can't control what went on there and then, we darn sure can in our own house now. Luckily Dearest's birthday is rapidly approaching, so we can couch it as ‘boys his age...' instead of harsher terms. For both him and the ILs.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Cautious but OK

Spent on Dolls today : $12.13

Well, today began OK. Did the usual grocery shopping, and runnin' around. Mal-Wart's having some toy sales, and wouldn'tcha know, the brunette Groom Ken was on markdown ! Yup, he's darn near identical to Beach Fun Ken, except for their hair color. No problems here, they'll just be brothers ! I liked his look, so for $9., into the cart he went. I prefer to look at it this way - cheaper than buying him used with a blonde doll and busted R/C Jeep I don't want for $14. at the flea market. Plus, I get a cheap-satin tuxedo instead of a ratty pair of swim trunks. It's all good.

My ILs are too tired to head over to their house to resume packing, so they more or less flopped around the house watching Northern Exposure DVDs. Let's just say that I had to watch that show before, years ago, and I got through it by imagining bribing other cast members to drive over WhinyBoy with a sharpened snowplow. Apologies to any fans, it just didn't connect with me. Wouldn't hurt my feelings if you didn't like Venture Bros. , all shows are acquired tastes, after all. As it turns out, it's their favorite, so I've heard it all day. Thank Everything for headphone MP3 players !

One of the reasons I was so upset about the change in plans was because I'd wanted to have some things done before they got here. Like dishes. It's hypocritical of me to expect them to keep things clean if I don't. So I spent most of today cleaning. We haven't had time to chat about house rules and mutual expectations, and Beloved Hubby's predicting a long work-week, so I'm a bit squirrelly.

Took it out by removing all of Casey's matted hair. Wow. Her head is so small next to the other dolls and bald ! Accidentally removed a few eyelash strands too, darn it ! I started thinking....Y'know, the body I had for Casey was kind of pale for her yellowish head. I grabbed Poison Ivy - now *there* was a good match. But that left poor Casey bodiless again. Not for long ! Turns out, that $4.98 Hillary Duff doll has nearly the same color body - a bit pinker, not much - than the one I had on Casey. A quick shuffle later, and poom ! Pamela (Ivy) has a nice, new non-bendy body, Casey has a slightly smaller body better suited to her, and the Hillary doll's head fit the bendy body just fine for donations. Whee ! Pretty much all the dolls I wanted to rebody are done ! Darn near dirt cheap !

I still have a bodiless PJ head with a purple stain - I got cheap Oxy-10 for that today, too - a pretty brunette pale head, and a #4 body that doesn't match anybody. But around here, you never know what you'll find next !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:27 PM CDT

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My homeless PILs have decided to move to our house *today*, instead of giving everyone more time. It'll be at least two weeks before they have to be out of their place, so I have no idea why they're rushing things. Guess we'll just get on each others' nerves sooner than later...

In any case, that means I won't have time for squat of the stuff I wanted to do. (sigh) I'll catch ya'll up as soon as I can...but if you see me on the six o' clock news under 'Bizarre Crimes', wave and wish me luck at the trial !

Posted by dorriebelle at 1:48 PM CST

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Current Mood :  Fighting it, 'cause I don't wanna waste another day !

Spent on dolls yesterday : $2.

Sorry this is late, everyone. Nothin' like a huge wave of emotional turmoil to swamp your boat several *&^%ing times in a row, huh ? Deep breaths, in and out. In and out...whoooooosh.

Well, anyway. The lovely doll pictured yesterday is Peace Lilly, or Lilly, for short. I fond her at the ever-popular flea market - seems they set up any time there's nothing else going on at the county fairgrounds. They're due back next weekend, too. Some quick research revealed that she's actually 1999's Rose Barbie, commemorating the miniature rose from Jackson and Perkins dubbed ‘The Barbie Rose', which commemorates Barbie's 40^th anniversary. I could tell from her non-removeable necklace. She came with this lovely dress, and even white strappy shoes. Hard to believe she was a mere buck ! I love her strawberry blonde hair and serene expression. I can use some serenity around here, that's fer sure. I find it amusing to rename a rose-themed doll ‘Lilly'. I'm kinda weird that way.

Her original dress is pretty, but I like the one she's in now. It came with her ! I was originally gonna buy her for just her dress, it really is pretty, but she grew on me. It's a Fashion Avenue - anybody else miss those ? I rarely bought ‘em, ‘cause $5. for a doll dress when I was spending $5. on big-me blouses seemed kinda expensive, but I got most of the ones I really liked. The one Lilly's wearing is from the 1998 party line. Funny that the dress is older than she is !

Most of my FAs are, of course, second-hand. Now that Fashion Fever seems to be the replacement, FAs are more readily available at yard sales and flea markets. They used fragile tulle and organza a lot, so I repair quite a few I find. If you ever need help to ID a FA, or just wanna browse through your memories, check out http://home.comcast.net/~fashionave/ . I always find one or two I'd have really liked to have, and probably would have bought - but I never saw ‘em in the Mal-Warts or TRUs back when they were out.

The photo shows the other things I bought at the flea market. They were in a box of Christmas ornaments, your usual worth-not-much small satin orbs, hard-plastic flocked Santas, and three-legged reindeer. Not even sure why I looked, but the lure of Hiragana script is undeniable for me. I had to know what was in the little boxes.

Lanterns ! Cute, mini Chinese lanterns ! Metal and inexpensive fabric with red tassels. They collapse for storage, and fit flat in the box, but the box is so old, the glue is gone. It unfolds and trickily opens up for display. Whee ! Still haven't gotten the arms open and just-so parallel, and probably never will, but what a great find ! Got ‘em both for a buck. Could have offered 50c and still got ‘em, but I'm happy with my purchases. That's Elphie's hand, of course, and Alfred's doing what rabbits do - chew on things when no one's looking. It'd work for Barbie scale too, it's maybe two inches tall, five if you count hanger and tassel. I also scored a Lucite star that looks great on my Lab doorknob for just a dime.

Only reason we went to the flea again was because Dearest Son earned five coupons and wanted to get his reward there. He bought two more kid meals Star Wars vehicles and an R5D4 action figure so old, it still bore the Kenner logo. No kidding. It was 12 years old ! Evidently, someone somewhere got tired of holding on to ‘em, because R5 was only $4. His card and bubble, very important to a die-hard collector, was in bad shape, but it's not like Dearest cared. I could have spent an hour happily looking at the Kenner script and remembering. I might still !

Ps to Manda - Wow !! Your PJs are super-fine ! I'm gonna have to ask you about the vinegar treatment soon, I'm nearly ready to reroot with that DTree hair. Yours sure do look great ! Shoot, now I really wanna get going on it !

Ps to Michelle - Thanks ! You and Manda help me so much - I wish I could do something special for you both ! If you ever decide to go for a psych degree, mention my name. Dealing with me should get you at least a few extra credit points !  

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 11:17 AM CDT

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Current Mood : Going out of my tiny mind...

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Believe it or not, I have posts ready to go, but...ever have a week where you just *know* something's wrong, but you just can't put yer finger on it ? Like some harmony in your mind is off by a mere quasihemidemisemiquaver, but you can't fix it or even identify it ? My insomnia is off the charts, even for me, and I just could not understand why. None of the usual suspect reasons were even remotely in play lately.

Today I found out why when my estranged mother called, dropped a bomb on me and hung up. so I'm kind of strung out today. I'm just gonna call today a bust and get back on the track tomorrow. I'll post all the stuff I have written, and reply to some of your notes.

(sigh) Thanks, everyone. Sorry to be so blasted dramatic and over-personal lately, but I haven't had a bloody choice.

I'll tell you more about Peace Lilly (or just Lilly, for short) tomorrow, I promise. Right now, I just wanna contemplate the solace of the void, or have some cheesecake. Maybe both. (arrrgh !)

Posted by dorriebelle at 10:14 PM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 11:17 AM CDT

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