Current Mood : Just keep reading...

Sorry, everyone, for pulling another vanishing act on you. It's been really rough around here, and I just couldn't sit down and write. Hasn't gotten any better today, but I'm tired of letting a couple of screw-ups muck up my life.

I'm referring to the ILs. I'm about to lose it. Here's the brief : they didn't get his SocSec disability. The rest of the family refuses to help them financially anymore, which I heartily agree with. Unfortunately, they still expect us - Beloved and me -  to buy a trailer and hook up power and water in the backyard for them - and pay for it, of course. And today, FIL used a suicide threat to get money out of Beloved Hubby to cover the four checks he bounced. Beloved's trying to be nice, and let FIL work out the truck payment we're still making for them in work, but FIL's been just sooo tired and weak and can't do it anymore. That and the fact that he's too busy going out at midnight for a quick toke (of not-tobacco) with someone he's related to. He then sleeps until 1pm and he's all chipper and happy.

I am not chipper and happy. I'm tired of these parasites. Yes, I said parasites, it's how I've felt about them for the last two years, and living with them hasn't changed that opinion. I'm &^%$ing tired of providing and providing and taking care of two folks who can't get off their butts to do it for themselves. The sum total of what they've done for themselves since they got here is 1)move a ton of crap from their house to our garage, our cargo trailer, and a storage facility someone else is paying for and 2) get put on a waiting list for senior housing. They're gonna appeal the SocSec, but since their previous lawyer isn't returning their calls (baby, what a big surprise), they have to engage another one. Which they haven't even begun to do, and they only have 60 or 90 days to appeal. I'll be insane or murderous by then. Last weekend, I mentioned that I'd buy donuts for breakfast Sunday morning. It's the only time they've been up before 8am since they got here - I was moving towards the car at &:30, after a nice morning of sleeping in, they were looking around for the Donut Emperor box.

MIL has degenerated into staring into space and sleeping twelve to sixteen hours a day, and faintly murmuring, "Let me know if there's anything I can help with",  which puts all the responsibility for her action/inaction on me. It's typical. And it's frustrating. I don't have enough hours in a day to do all the things I think about, and she needs me to tell her how to spend her time.

And don't get me started on FIL. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, and was starting to ‘thaw' towards them. Then I find out he's manipulated my Beloved in front of our son - and when I was out there, he fidgeted and fussed until I left. Beloved is furious and upset, which hurts and just makes me angrier.

I want them gone. Yesterday. This suicide threat crap is not gonna stand. He pulls that (*&% again, I'll give him the .45, loaded. Like everything else outta him, it's all words. I always believed that words compel action. I guess he believes that words keep you from having to act, especially when it's something stupid like keeping promises.

I'd just gotten to where I interacted with them again. Now that door is closed and bolted. Far as I'm concerned, ignoring them completely is the best thing I can do, because if FIL comes out with that fake bonhomie of his again, I'm gonna let it rip. I'm tired of hiding me and my feelings towards them. Maybe if I cheese them off, they'll get off their butts. It's a dangerous game, but I'm tired of living like this, with all this stupid drama and endless whining and feeling responsible for two older-than-me adults who act like Dearest never did.

And I no longer care who may be reading this. Let 'em read it, not one word is a lie or exaggeration. If the mirror gives you an unflattering reflection, it's up to you to change it. And I'm tired of feeling ugly for my thoughts. I doubt anyone else would manage this much better, or have any purer, sweeter thoughts.

I'm just not a Disney princess who sings her way through mean stepmothers and ill-tempered housecats. I'm real, and I want to hurt back. It's not even been a month, and I'm about at my limit here.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

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I already wrote the bomb that's tomorrow's entry, and really, that one date says what my life's been all week. I just hate to have blank dates on that little calendar over on your left.

At least the $80./hr therapist has left me alone. After three unanswered phone calls, I guess he got the message. I was feeling pretty good about things until it all hit the fan, but I'll probably still pursue therapy. Maybe just go up to the Counseling Center and see what can be done.

It's 1pm, they're still asleep. This shouldn't matter, but...

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

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Nice day. Rented a couple movies, ate junk food, and relaxed. Beloved Hubby's got the doors on my dollhouse attached, and hopes to have a day off next week to finish it. In part because I'm bugging him, in part because he needs the space in the Shop !

I put the ‘big girl' panties on Friday afternoon and got a lot done that I've been putting off - mostly bill stuff that'd bore you silly. Man, I hope I don't get sick again for a long time ! But it's done, I don't have to worry about it for a while, and the stuff I had to get from the Agency earlier this week was retrieved Tuesday and turned in Thursday. I even got the bathroom cleaned, tub to toilet, and the floor got the Cinderella act, which has been sorely needed. It's so nice when the house is clean ! Beloved Hubby had some wall texuring left, so he redid our living room. FIL had the huevos to say it looked so much better than the crappy walls we had before. (sigh)

So today, I'm goofin' off. I'm emotionally and physically drained, so I need a rest ! I'm hoping that next week will go better. Hope springs eternal ! But the spring in mine is getting a bit worn...

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

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Spent on dolls and me today :  $11.71

Took myself out for a little fun today. Found the ‘Walk of Fame' star my best friend Becky gave me back in '89, among some framed pieces that were stored, last week. My last name's changed, but I still loved that star. Scraped my old name off, then hit Hobby Lobby for a set of new alphabet stickers to fix it.

While they didn't really have any (tacky, IMhO) large gold block letters to match what was on there, I found some smaller black ones I really liked. Half-off, too ! Also found some tiny scrapbooking buttons that are perfect for my dolls on clearance, and a tiny dollhouse sewing machine. Now I have three miniature sewing machines, so that makes a collection !

They also had some nice resin chairs on half-off. Found a great one in Elphie and Fiyero's scale, and would have gladly bought two. Thing was, they're boxes - the seat lifts off for small storage - and the one I liked best was missing the box lid/seat on four of the five on display. So I just got one. I could have bought a set and made cushions, but I hate to pay regular price for something I have to fix, and the people I asked said they couldn't discount it further. Oh, well ! At least Fiyero's not sitting on an upturned candle holder at Elphie's anymore ! They had lots of cute resin chairs, mostly in Barbie scale.

Added the miniature Singer to the collection - and with the coupon, it's still the most expensive of the three. I paid a whole $1.20 for it ! The other two were a buck from a yard sale and Dollar Tree. And got the WoF star updated. Much better ! It's now hanging proudly from the Lab door. The old stickers are on the back, in case someone finds it in a junk shop and wants to restore it the way it's supposed to be.

I'd take pictures, but Beloved Hubby has the camera !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:33 PM CDT

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If you ever get to go to Disney World, in Orlando, there's 'Ariel's Grotto', where you can get a photo with a lovely Ariel cast member ! Her seat looks just like this, too. I got to go with my godniece and my BFF, her mom. We found the grotto, and 'Ariel' encouraged me to take a photo with her, too - not just my much-younger companion !

So, yes, I've met 'Ariel', and she's as sweet and thoughtful as you'd think !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:32 PM CDT

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Here's the next-to-last one ! The final one is *gorgeous* !

Ya'll do know how to 'steal' images, right ? Right click, 'save image as', and all that ? If you don't, I'll be glad to e-mail any of these to ya. I also have a couple copies of the Doll Divas pajamas to send, soon as I can get off my butt ! :)

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:32 PM CDT

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Here's the images I promised. Sorry to be gone so long, it's been both good and bad around here. When I'm calm enough to post things that don't cut like blades, I'll have more to say !

PS to everyone - I loved the Aurora picture, and still need to read the fanfic ! I think ya'll are what's keeping me from attacking with a sharpened Barbie, and I appreciate all the comments. Try to think well of me, even though you know now how petty and small I really am.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:32 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Contentedly tired

Spent on fabric today : $2.28  

Got all the way to the Agency I had to visit today, figuring I'd be there for most of the day - and realised I'd completely forgotten. It's Martin Luther King day ! Dearest Son had to go to school - it was one of the ice storm make-up days - so it totally slipped my awareness that banks and stuff would be closed today.

So I did the grocery shopping and came on home. For some reason, I woke up this morning just shy of 2am, and could not get back to sleep. So I got up and did bills and home organizational misc. Managed a half-hour nap in between phonecalls. We agreed to let a lady keep her horses on the acres that come with the house but we don't use. It's not a lot of money for us, but who doesn't always need a few extra bucks ? Last week, we didn't know her from Adam's housecat, but today she was here, horses and all. Since we rent, our landowner had to approve, so she brought over a contract, basically stating that any damage the horses did to themselves, each other, or anyone or anything else was her responsibility. All three of us - me, horse owner, and landlord - signed and had it witnessed. So we now have two horses as neigh-bors.

They're kind of fun to watch, although I confess a slight fear of horses. Just not brought up around them, and they always seem so huge to me. There's a sweet retired show gelding who ate a peppermint stick from my fingers and nosed around for more, and a standoffish brood mare who pretty much exuded ‘Whatever !' from her very skin. She's expecting a foal in May. Horse owner T was so excited and happy to have them here. Wouldn't you know it, family problems where they were before.

Michelle, how horrible for you ! That interviewer should be strung up by his own entrails. What an awful experience. It's darn close to my personal definition of evil (being a jerk on purpose to hurt someone for no other reason than yer own amusement), so I'm super sorry you  had to endure that. Hope he ends up in a relationship worthy of him. (snerk)

I'm gonna have a bad therapy experience of my very own soon ! Y'see, the local University educates and trains therapists - right on up to PhD psychologists. So there's a sort of ‘training ground' counseling service on campus, open to the public. A sliding scale determines payment, and I've been there before. ‘Laura' was absolutely wonderful. She really helped me with those issues, so I'm hoping someone like her will help me work through these something new-something old ones.

Alas. When I asked for the counseling service phone number, I instead got the phone of a private therapist who is occasionally called in on tougher cases or when the service is closed. His rate, flat out, is $80. an hour. All this time, I thought I've been speaking with the school service, so I said so. And I got a high-pressured sales pitch ! I honestly expected, ‘Now, what'll it take to get you into talking with me for a few months ? Low down payment ? Variable rate financing ? Balloons and hot dogs ? Just name it !' like at a used car dealer on the shady side. Even after I mentioned the eyebrow-lifting amount we currently owe the local hospital, he wants to put me on a payment plan. Um, what ? Owing all this in a bad season with little means to pay is part of my problems, guy ! I don't need another stress-building bill !

So I cancelled my tentative appointment and was honest with why. Big mistake ! He really pushed it then, and I stupidly caved to get him off the blasted phone.  I get to call him again tomorrow, tell him it just ain't in the budget in the foreseeable future. I already know it'll be somewhat like getting out of AOL or BMG Music Service. I would just not return his calls, but I don't wanna get billed $80. for my no-show appointment. Guess I'll just have to be blunt about it. And act like a busted record.

Upshot is, I have no idea if he's more intimately connected with the service, so I'm now wondering if I can use it after I tell him ‘no' for the second or third time. I may just go over there - if there's time after I'm done with the Agency - and check.

Spent most of the rest of the day chasing after the horse owner, getting the dishes and kitchen cleaned, and cleaning the mess I've made of the bedroom. Seriously considering not cleaning Beloved Hubby's side, but if I don't, the dirty laundry pile will suffocate us both ! So, not much doll time today, but the house is cleaner, and I finally went after the microwave. It's been bugging me.

I did, however, buy myself a little treat. As I'm sure you noticed, I scored some Ariel-themed fabric, a half-yard. Just enough to get intact pieces of each scene. I was going through the remnants as I always do - I've several times found just what I need, at a 20% discount ! - when I found one labeled ‘Disney Princess Blocks'. Mal-Wart rolls their remnants with a piece of paper inside and out, listing the information and price.  I'd have to tear it to see the whole print. Luckily, though, there was still some of it on the bolt.

Urk. It was kind of pretty, more in purples and soft beiges than bright pinks, but it was just four characters in the same poses within squares, with hearts bearing each of their their names, Snow White, Belle, Cinderella, Aurora, in others. Not much I could use, and the lips were off. Really big, and not well centered. In fact, some of the expressions were downright ugly. But next to it was two bolts of Ariel-only fabric. The other had maybe three or four poses around bubbles, predominantly purple, with ‘Watch Me Sparkle' wrapped around. Again, kind of cute, but not something I could really use. This one is called "Under The Sea Scenic", by Springs Global US, and is not intended for children's sleepwear. Wonder if it's OK for doll nighties...

If there's one thing I like about Ariel besides what everyone also likes, it's gotta be that she's not over-enamored of the color pink. Aside from the one dress, most of her palette is of bolder colors - purples, greens, blues - that aren't soft pastels. So her stuff tends to stand out. Apologies to anyone who doesn't much like my recent DPrincess kick - it'll be over with sooner or later...but then again, it's gone on for 41 years now...

Anyway, there's four ‘scenes' to this fabric, so guess what images you're getting this week !  

Posted by dorriebelle at 9:38 PM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:31 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Happily Creative

Yaay ! Finally got off my butt and sewed ! Here's my slight adjustment to DebbieFS in Australia's Doll Divas pajama pattern - http://members.boardhost.com/DollDivas/msg/archive/1195868542.html . I brought out the self-facing a bit, added the same length to the collar. Not much different, but I like it. If I adjust the snap fastener, it doesn't open/close so low. Nice to have the flexibility.

Didn't have enough of this print - it was a scrap, really, I didn't think my alteration would work well -  to make matching pants, so I tried my hand at patching some in to the black fabric. I wanted the strips to be a bit asymmetrical, so I sewed ‘em in perfectly straight, trusting my skewing skills to do the job for me. And, as you can see, it worked just the way it always does ! They're just a tiny bit off. But, again, I like ‘em.

Her pattern is kind of odd. The photo shows the pants as pretty high-water without some sort of hem trim. So I sewed a strip on there, too. If I'd have allowed the crotch seam to hang low, this would have made them too long - instead, I had pants crotch meet doll crotch, and the ‘waist' nearly covered her bustline ! The casing for the elastic waist was over half an inch - which means, I used about an inch of the fabric already there to make the waist. Unusual.

It also plays hide-and-seek. Some days the pattern and photos are there, other days, there's a Picturetrail marker instead. Let me know if you're having trouble downloading it, and I can send it via email, if you like.

It's also a good thing I'd sewn similar pants in Perestroika.ca's Real Clothes Vol 1, otherwise ‘turn one leg right side out, tuck into other wrong side out pant leg, match crotch seam and sew' would have been confusing. I know she's trying to keep things simple, but without prior experience, these directions are easily frustrating.

Modeling is the recently rebodied Pamela, formerly a Mattel bendy-body Poison Ivy. Her eyebrows jut at an odd angle at the ends, so I keep her hair over them. And there's that mailbox bank I got at the thrift store Friday - it's so cool. I'd have sworn it was a Mattel product - didn't Barbie have a post office playset ? - but it's not marked Mattel anywhere on it. I just love how the pick-up times on the chart are readable, as well as the ‘Caution' sign, warning us postal patrons to not put the heavy stuff in there. Just like what I dump the bills in every so often !

Well, Beloved Hubby's home, and I have loads of stuff to do before tomorrow's long wait. Wish me luck !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:31 PM CDT

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A sort of ‘meh' day. At the end of it, about all I can think of is that I got the laundry and dishes done, and spent the rest of the day not doing much of anything. I think I mostly let myself relax for a bit. Took a nap, had a good lunch. After all the turmoil and trouble lately, I needed that - but it doesn't make for very interesting reading !

Altered the Debbie in FS pajama pattern a bit. Made the lapels a bit bigger, and the collar a bit longer. I'll probably sew it up tomorrow. For now, I'm enjoying the lazy.

Hope your day was more exciting - but in a fun way !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CST

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 2:30 PM CDT

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