Current Mood : Just keep reading...
Sorry, everyone, for pulling another vanishing act on you. It's been really rough around here, and I just couldn't sit down and write. Hasn't gotten any better today, but I'm tired of letting a couple of screw-ups muck up my life.
I'm referring to the ILs. I'm about to lose it. Here's the brief : they didn't get his SocSec disability. The rest of the family refuses to help them financially anymore, which I heartily agree with. Unfortunately, they still expect us - Beloved and me - to buy a trailer and hook up power and water in the backyard for them - and pay for it, of course. And today, FIL used a suicide threat to get money out of Beloved Hubby to cover the four checks he bounced. Beloved's trying to be nice, and let FIL work out the truck payment we're still making for them in work, but FIL's been just sooo tired and weak and can't do it anymore. That and the fact that he's too busy going out at midnight for a quick toke (of not-tobacco) with someone he's related to. He then sleeps until 1pm and he's all chipper and happy.
I am not chipper and happy. I'm tired of these parasites. Yes, I said parasites, it's how I've felt about them for the last two years, and living with them hasn't changed that opinion. I'm &^%$ing tired of providing and providing and taking care of two folks who can't get off their butts to do it for themselves. The sum total of what they've done for themselves since they got here is 1)move a ton of crap from their house to our garage, our cargo trailer, and a storage facility someone else is paying for and 2) get put on a waiting list for senior housing. They're gonna appeal the SocSec, but since their previous lawyer isn't returning their calls (baby, what a big surprise), they have to engage another one. Which they haven't even begun to do, and they only have 60 or 90 days to appeal. I'll be insane or murderous by then. Last weekend, I mentioned that I'd buy donuts for breakfast Sunday morning. It's the only time they've been up before 8am since they got here - I was moving towards the car at &:30, after a nice morning of sleeping in, they were looking around for the Donut Emperor box.
MIL has degenerated into staring into space and sleeping twelve to sixteen hours a day, and faintly murmuring, "Let me know if there's anything I can help with", which puts all the responsibility for her action/inaction on me. It's typical. And it's frustrating. I don't have enough hours in a day to do all the things I think about, and she needs me to tell her how to spend her time.
And don't get me started on FIL. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, and was starting to ‘thaw' towards them. Then I find out he's manipulated my Beloved in front of our son - and when I was out there, he fidgeted and fussed until I left. Beloved is furious and upset, which hurts and just makes me angrier.
I want them gone. Yesterday. This suicide threat crap is not gonna stand. He pulls that (*&% again, I'll give him the .45, loaded. Like everything else outta him, it's all words. I always believed that words compel action. I guess he believes that words keep you from having to act, especially when it's something stupid like keeping promises.
I'd just gotten to where I interacted with them again. Now that door is closed and bolted. Far as I'm concerned, ignoring them completely is the best thing I can do, because if FIL comes out with that fake bonhomie of his again, I'm gonna let it rip. I'm tired of hiding me and my feelings towards them. Maybe if I cheese them off, they'll get off their butts. It's a dangerous game, but I'm tired of living like this, with all this stupid drama and endless whining and feeling responsible for two older-than-me adults who act like Dearest never did.
And I no longer care who may be reading this. Let 'em read it, not one word is a lie or exaggeration. If the mirror gives you an unflattering reflection, it's up to you to change it. And I'm tired of feeling ugly for my thoughts. I doubt anyone else would manage this much better, or have any purer, sweeter thoughts.
I'm just not a Disney princess who sings her way through mean stepmothers and ill-tempered housecats. I'm real, and I want to hurt back. It's not even been a month, and I'm about at my limit here.
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