Current Mood : Industrious !

Current Image Notes : This is the book I ordered - it's here, but I'm too busy to read it ! 

Not sure what got into me this morning. After Beloved Hubby left for class and work, I'd intended to sort out that last box of fabric for a bit, then head out to the thrift stores I haven't hit in over a week now. My breathing's a lot better, and I actually slept for several hours in a row last night. Yeah, I need to do housework, but I felt like celebrating ! I could always roll and tie the bundles later, like when I was waiting for Dearest's school bus.

Ended up sorting and rolling up the whole thing. Instead of a minor diversion for an hour or so, I sat there for nearly four hours, matching, bundling, folding and rolling. Amazingly, there were only three scraps that belonged with the stuff I rolled up yesterday, and the laundry baskets - yeah, it takes two of ‘em to hold it all, darn it ! - made it easy to find a specific bit, thanks to the vent holes. Something I wanted to remember when I had time and money to hunt for better storage. Like so many other things in my life, I didn't realize how much having it scattered everywhere was annoying me until it was solved. But it was all sorted and stored, at least temporarily...

Had a few errands to run, so I wolfed a quick lunch and hit the road. Part of what I needed was at Dollar Tree, so I got to look around. Found a package of eight small silver star wands, and you know I bought ‘em. Gave one to Beloved, and he added it to the silk flower arrangement he keeps on his desk. Dearest Son was unimpressed.

GoodWill was a total wash-out. I mean, they didn't have jack. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that their shelves are wan during yard sale season, but this was just plain sad. Besides, most folks donate their post-sale leftovers, so you'd think there'd be lotsa stuff at GWill, but nope.

Hit a few yard sales, because today, they were out in force ! Snagged a nice shirt for Dearest, a package of nice dressmaker pins, a half yard of navy with white stars fabric, a 2003 Happy Meal Sleeping Beauty crown, a 1999 Working Woman Barbie Happy Meal doll and pink computer, and a Ken doll keychain, all still in the packages. And all for a quarter each ! Score !

Also a kids' hanging plastic cube organizer, three cubes for a quarter each. They're a bit smaller than milk crates, with blue ‘grid' sides, red ‘S'-shaped hook-snaps to hold the pieces together (really, you could make any size/shape you wanted, if you had enough pieces ), a small yellow rail to keep things inside, and red hangers. Cool ! I'd been looking for a way to store all this rolled up fabric - about $6. worth of yard sale finds - without spending $10. to do it. I'd just keep it all in the laundry baskets, but they don't stack very well. I figured it'd all fit in two - and it did ! - but I wanted the third for extra hook-snaps and box bottoms. Got it all loaded and arranged, and the leftover pieces made a fun three-sided ‘cage' for the kittens to play in. My thumbs still hurt a bit, because those snap-hooks fit and grip tight.

Can't find it anywhere but a British site, but it looks like this, but blue, with red hangers and snap-hooks.

http://s7ondemand4.scene7.com/s7ondemand/zoom/flasht_zoom.jsp?company=MarvellousGroup&sku=81486_81485_BDL&zoomheight=550

While I have it all loaded up already, I'm still trying to decide if I want to leave it as a random dump, or arrange it. And if I arrange it, how so? Solid/Prints ? Knits/Wovens ? Pastels/Darks ? Sheesh. All that going on, I'll probably just leave it as is. More fun to dig through that way !

And the fabric's done. I have about six different weights, types, and styles of black fabric. I should never have to buy it again. There's a small bundle of cheep people clothes to be picked apart yet - which is also fun while waiting for the bus, now that I don't have to roll fabric or untangle yarn anymore. I'll probably toss them into the box our books came in (yaaay, those arrived today instead of Monday ! ) and keep ‘em outside in the car, for easy access. I also got the last yardages folded and stored. Most of these I bought cheap at yard sales past, too - but they're bigger pieces, for ‘me' clothes. I'm about at max capacity for fabric. Gotta get sewing, so I'll have some space ! I think the first thing is a small drawstring bag, so I can toss these new-to-me Barbie clothes in the wash. And then cheap-serging the navy-and-white-star fabric I got today !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:42 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Pleased

Current Image Notes : The best of today's yard sale and Hancock Fabrics' booty !

With Dearest Son back in school, many of my old habits come back into play. Namely, the Friday yard-sale trawl ! Unfortunately, my asthma's still kicking up, so I couldn't do much, but I had fun !

Turned out that, even with ‘free yard sale weekend', there really wasn't much out anyway. Got some comically large buttons at one sale - I fully intend to make a blouse and use them. I've seen so many doll blouses with huge buttons on ‘em (and, really, availability of doll-scale buttons is a matter of luck and demand no matter what year it is), I kinda want one for m'self.

The Flea Market was on ‘garage sale', so some of my fave dealers weren't there, but some other folks were. Got a big handful of 80s Barbie clothes for a buck, and after a quick spin in the laundry, they'll be great, both for keeps and for donated dolls.

Met a seller with some old dolls. She wanted $100. for an old, but not unique, Barbie case with a Bubblecut in worse shape than mine - no legs ! - a brunette Scooter, and a Francie, and a couple of mom-made outfits. Um, good luck with that. She also had a pretty brunette TNT, but again, just not worth $50. in that shape. Nice to chat with her, and for once, I kept my mouth shut about her dolls. If it matters to her, she'll do the research and find out on her own. If not, me telling her isn't gonna change anything and will probably just cheese her off. She told me how much her children's partners adore her, and always say what a great MIL she is. Yeah, I was not gonna start nothin' with her, it could only end badly.

Hit Hancock Fabrics after two sales that didn't have much, and secured the McCall's patterns for a wardrobe I liked - dress, two light jackets, pants, blouse - and the one for Dearest's karate gear. Hancock's getting sneaky. Cross town, Hobby Lobby had McCall's patterns for 99c each. So did Hancock's, but they required a fabric purchase for theirs. So I got a half yard each of half-price ‘Bodre' knit fabric, in dark blue and a luscious green. I'd been wanting some of that green for a while, and the blue was just too beautiful to not get just a little bit from. Sometimes I think I love to surround myself with beautiful fabric, in hopes it'll make me pretty, too !

Next sale was a washout, but the one afterwards was good. Got a couple goodies for Beloved, and a pretty blonde Barbie, mostly for her dress. Mattel made the dress in both pink and blue, and I got it into my head that I ‘needed' a blue one several years ago, probably a year after it was off the Fashion Avenue slate. Drove myself crazy looking for it. Eventually, I found one on eBay, in a lot with an identical pink one and all was well. And, about a decade later, here's another one. So of course I bought it. I now have two pink ones and two blue ones, and I'm ready for a doll wedding anytime ! Thing is, the doll is just lovely, and the blue suits her so well...

Ah, found it. They're both ‘Matching Styles' FA sets for Barbie and Kelly. The pink set is from 1996, the blue set came out the following year. Hard to believe it really has been a decade since those were on store shelves. If you ever need a Fashion Avenue reference, please allow me to recommend http://home.comcast.net/~fashionave/. Felicity's done a wonderful job organizing and displaying all those great Barbie outfits !

Came home in time for a nap - my sleep's still messed up - or lunch, so I took the nap. Then Dearest was home, and it was time to help him pack for Granny and Granddad's. He left shortly after that, and I knew Beloved Hubby had Aikido class, so I had a nice, long evening to myself. What to do... I knew I wasn't up to sewing, but I felt well-rested.

So I grabbed that VHS copy of Cinderella 2 I bought a couple weeks ago at another yard sale, the basket of fabric that needed to be bundled, and some yarn, and headed to the only working VHS player in the house, in Dearest's room. Nuked some leftovers, snagged the scissors, added a soda. I like to make the most of ‘me' time.

Cinderella 2 has its faults - they really ‘Belleified' good ole Cindy - and the stories were rather thin and depended a lot on sequences from the original film. By that, I mean, the same exact sequence from the original appears in C2, just freshly re-animated. F'r instance, the mice make a book, using scissors, needle, and thread. Most of the ‘Making Cinderelly's Dress' set piece from the 1959 film is called in to play, including the scissor-riding, near-tail-snipping part, it's just other mice doing most of it, because Jaq and Gus are shown elsewhere. There's several other pieces like that, and numerous ‘call backs' to Little Mermaid (especially in the third and final story) and Beauty and the Beast.

There's a few mildly annoying songs, but the music mostly evokes via background tracks of familiar melodies from the original film rather than attempt straight-out musical. "An Uncommon Romance", the final story, has a rather nice song, "Follow Your Heart", that has a good message for any young lady. Anastasia - the redhead stepsister - is helped out by Cindy and the gang when she decides to further her forbidden romance with the village baker. I guess it's no surprise that she ends up looking a lot like Ariel, and several of her dancing sequences evoke the ballroom pieces in Beauty and the Beast. This was the best of the three. ‘A Tall Tail' involves mouse Jaq wishing to be human to help Cindy, and yes, it is as flat and thin as it sounds. New character PomPom, a feline nearly identical to the Stepmother's cat Lucifer, just white and supposedly female, is used heavily, which didn't help. It's easy to declare ‘Tail' as the weakest of the three. "Aim To Please", the first story, is OK, deals with doing things your way, always nice if you're a mostly-self-confident princess. At least, I thought so, but I was rolling fabric at the time.

By the time the movie was over, I'd finished my late lunch, and the first basket of fabric was bundled up. So I got the basket I wanted to store the bundles in - it was already overflowing with loose material - and dumped it out, started rolling all that up. Also got an old Mystery Science Theater 3000 tape to watch. Sidehackers, always a favorite. About half way through that episode, the rest of the fabric was all bundled. I decided to use yarn to tie the bundles up, because I didn't know if the red ribbon I had would transfer onto the fabric. On darker colors, it didn't matter much, but I needed something else for all that pastel. I'd been hoping to find some curling ribbon at the yard sales, but didn't, and Hancock's doesn't carry it, and hey, we already had yarn ! I just wish I'd gotten to it before the kittens did. Ah, well, I needed to untangle it anyway.

Was trekking everything back to the Lab when Beloved Hubby came home. It was kind of late, so we ordered Chinese and watched an old DVD of Jackie Chan movies we'd bought years ago - a triple feature of really bad Hong Kong cinema. Even the prints used for the DVD were scratched, torn, and blurry. Great to use for your own MST3K, though.

And I only have one box of fabric left to bundle ! Finally, I got something done this summer !

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:42 PM CDT

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Current Mood: Hopeful

Current Image Notes : Yaay ! There is one !  

Steam-burned my left fingers while heating up leftovers for lunch. I knew there was normally a reason I never use cling-plastic wrap ! I'm having to type a bit, then soak my hand in an ice-cube rag, so forgive me if this jumps around a lot. Can't stand one-hand typing. Takes too long !

And, as you probably noticed, I did a massive update dump yesterday. Believe it or not, I normally write this every day - the hold-up that invariably leads to a week's worth of entries being added in one day is the picture. I know my words aren't worth much, so I like for ya to at least have something nice to look at ! With all the rain we've had, all my photos look like crap, and I want to re-take them... but it's still dark, and more rain is expected.

My breathing's a lot better today. Beloved Hubby insisted that we close all the doors and windows and turn on the air conditioning, even though it was nice enough to leave it off a few more days. Within an hour, my wheezing had cleared up considerably, and I didn't need the inhaler much at all. I keep forgetting how much the a/c dries the air out in here...

Still waiting on my new book to arrive Monday or so. Saw Fabric Leftovers : Simple, Adaptable Ways to Use Up Scraps as an Amazon.com recommendation, and it looked interesting, but even the ‘Look Inside' feature didn't tell me enough. So when I saw it at Hastings last weekend, I eagerly went through it, and liked what I saw. Truth be told, I cold probably have sat with it in my lap for a half-hour and learned what I needed to, without buying the book, but sometimes it's nice to have a new book for ideas. However, as mentioned on Saturday's entry, $27. was a bit much, especially since there was an Amazon seller who had it for $13., and it'd be eligible for free shipping once my order totaled $25. Beloved Hubby was willing to buy it for me on the spot, but it seemed ridiculously expensive.

So we each ordered a book via Amazon, and together they totaled less than the Fabric Leftovers book did on its own. I just hate that it didn't ship until three days after we ordered it. I'm so impatient !

In the doll world, I'm having second thoughts about dyeing the second ‘Cinderelly's Surprise' doll's pink and white dress. Sure, I'd love it if the pink turned brown and the white turned green, but according to quick research on Google, dyeing polyester's nearly impossible outside of a lab. I don't know how accurate that is, so I'm going through all this blasted fabric I've obtained this summer - more on that in the next paragraph - looking for similar material I can test on. I even have some dye ready to go, so this may actually happen tomorrow. I just have to focus, since the flea market's in town and this weekend is ‘Free Yard Sale' here, which means there's a sale ever 100 feet, all weekend.

(sigh) And on the subject of all this fabric, I've finally gotten tired of tripping on it and having it scattered in two rooms. Long time ago, Carol (of Perestroika.ca fame) gave me some luxe fabric pieces that'd been cleverly wrapped into small bundles, tied round with a nylon curling ribbon. Strung on the ribbon was a notecard detailing the piece's dimensions. She'd obtained the fabrics from a store that way. I really liked it, and since some of my fabric from this year's yard sale excesses is a bunch of small pieces, it'd be about the best way to organize and display it. Right now, dumping a bunch of fabrics into a box or laundry basket just ensures that the big loose pieces cover up all the small ones, and I can only see a fraction of it. The measurements don't concern me, and will just take up time, but bundling it up and tying it off might be fun while I'm waiting for the bus. And it's gotta be better than the mess I have now.

And I'll get to dig around fun bundles of fabric ! (happy sigh)

Posted by dorriebelle at 9:24 PM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:41 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Wistful

Celebrated Dearest Son's return to school - and my return to my self-centered ways while he's away ! - by doing about what I've done every year since his Kindergarten. That is, I went grocery shopping, then came home and took a long nap. My breathing's still not the steadiest, and most exertions, even minor ones, make me gasp for a few minutes. It's still better than yesterday, though.

In any case, asthma's always worst at night, when yer body's already slowing down. So I haven't been sleeping much. And Dearest's ‘you gotta know all about this toy car/ Lego/ movie-based scenario I'm imagining, Right NOW !!' enthusiasm doesn't give me much ‘catch up' napping during the day. Still, I got up on time today, and we began to establish the new evening schedule last night, so he was in bed early, and slept well. And he bounced out of bed ready to go. Even his bus was on time, which is always notable on the first day back.

While I was out, even though I did oversleep my nap and was kinda time-crunched (I'd told his new teacher I'd deliver today's snacks around 10am, and it was 9 before I even left the house !) , I looked at the toy aisles. Barbies are under Bratz signage, My Little Ponies are beneath Disney Princess banners, and the former ‘misc. toys that aren't gender-specific, or heavily advertised' aisle is gone, replaced with more Disney dolls and such. Hannah Montana darn near has her own section (more later on her) now, and there's gaping spots that have shelf-talkers but no toys yet. So, clearly, this Mal-Wart is gearing up for holidays.

Oh, and a correction. There is one Millennium Falcon remaining. Corner of the box has been bashed in, pretty badly. There's probably several cruising fans hoping it'll get marked down, but I know M-W better than that. If it doesn't sell at full price to someone who's willing to take the chance (or is desperate) in the next month or so, they'll send it back for credit. Only time M-W marks down toys is when they have too many, and they're gearing up for, or winding down from, holidays. As one toy store manager candidly told me, ‘Discounting for damage only encourages more damage', and it's hard to argue that point.

Anyway. Hannah Montana is a Disney Channel live-action show, kinda Jem-like in plot, but with a teen actress instead of an adult lead character. Half the plot evidently revolves around everyday brunette Miley being caught or recognized as blonde-wigged rock-star Hannah. Most of the toys are from PlayAlong, and my previous experience with them is that they make good quality flash-in-the-pan celebrity dolls. I have some of their A*Teens and the Cheetah Girl Dorinda dolls, both bought on heavy markdown. The faces are different enough from the Barbies that they're welcome additions, especially the guys. Evidently she's so popular, she has a holiday doll out this year - dressed in silver and red. Hmmm...silver. Holiday. Hmmm.... now what does that remind me of...

What kind of tanks is that PlayAlong has made a fantastic dollhouse for the HM dolls. Seriously. It's nice. TRU exclusive, too. I'd have to cover the few HM logos, but that wouldn't be difficult. According to toysrus.com, most of the wall décor are stickers that are user-applied to begin with. It's a great house, with lovely detail. What is difficult is the $160. price tag.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/prodpop.jsp?LargeImageURL=http%3A//TRUS.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-4683796dt.jpg&displayTab=enh&productId=3084804&totCount=0

For the more budget-minded, they have the one-person porch swing as a sold-separately item at M-W. I think when I first saw it, it was $20., but the slot it was in today had a shelf talker of $25. Tempting, but I have the pink ‘egg chair' sold for Bratz a few years back, and I haven't even used it yet !

Speaking of Bratz, they're really copying Mattel and vice versa these days. For the last two years or so, Mattel's had ‘My House', a kind of modular play area for sale. It allows for max customization of space, since there's no floor, and walls are easily changed and flipped. Of course, bedroom furniture and dining room tables are sold separately. Guess who now has a similar playset ? Dubbed the Bratz World House, it too is actually quite nice. In some ways, it's better than the Mattel one. The bathroom is more detailed, as is the kitchen, and the front door is impressively large. For some reason, Bratz exteriors are heavily Spanish-inspired...the big dollhouse they had out a couple years ago had a similar design. It's shallow - ha-ha - but I'm betting the Barbie house doesn't have much more shelf depth either.

Comparing the two, Barbie's My House has a front door, but it's so narrow, I wouldn't be surprised if Babs herself has to enter sideways. And her, uh, attributes occasionally get stuck. It has great windows, and bigger doors that open to the patio, if you like.  Or back yard, it's up to you ! There's maybe a $5. difference in price between ‘em. Like Mattel, there's Bratz World dolls with accessories sold separately, but they're worth looking at - almost Silkstone-like vanities and armories, with a floor lamp. $25. is a bit much, but if the furniture's within scale, it may be worth it. Cheaper than Silkstone stuff, and it's not pink ! Cream/gold and white/blue are the colors here, and they look very elegant. Plus, you can always donate the doll.

Here's the link to the Bratz house, and the dolls are clickable on the right. Hmm....

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=9605747

And here I was, thinking there wasn't anything left to want !

Posted by dorriebelle at 10:41 PM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:41 PM CDT

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Current Mood :   Too busy sucking air to have one.

Current Image : Napping kittens !

Taking a break today, cause I can barely take a breath. Back tomorrow. Hopefully breathing.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:40 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Improving

Just realized - I forgot to mention that, when I was in Target a few weeks ago, they had a ‘Fancy Nancy' endcap doll display. Evidently, it's a popular girls' book about a kid who really likes the glamorous life - feather boas, two or three crowns, glitter, and bold colors in wild patterns. Saw her before when I volunteered for Book Fair last spring, but it seemed a bit over the top for my interests. If the book cover was this gaudy...  I'd read that the FN doll dresses were very nice, and would fit just about any doll from American Girl clone to 15-inch dolls, like the LDPs.

She must be very popular, as the display was nearly cleaned out. Most of what was there was a few packaged doll dresses, a couple of really gaudy girls' costumes - if there was ever a kid Mardi Gras, these'd fit right in -  and a large foamcore ‘Fancy Nancy' logo. The display had moved when I was there Friday, to the end of the Disney Princess aisle, and it was still just kid costumes, two doll outfits, some feathery crown accessory sets, and the foamcore. I've yet to see the actual doll ! Tonner has a FN line, too - but I can't figure out if his doll has brown or dark fuchsia hair. Madame Alexander also has versions in both plastic and cloth. While I doubt FN is a Target exclusive, it does seem to be the only store who had them.

Anyway, I picked up one of the dresses. Cute, but it was all simple design in ultra-bright fabrics. I think even Superstar Barbie would have to turn away from some of this stuff. And it was waaay too big for any of my dolls, except maybe Baby Chrissy, and it was probably too small for her. Imagine my shock when I found the price - $20. ! For a single dress and a pair of shoes. No doll. No play accessories, those are sold separately. Wow. Even the Battat AG clones, who do have outfits not much less expensive than that, include some miniatures and a book !

Tonight was ‘Back To School' night, where you mostly meet your kid's teacher and drop off their supplies, so they don't have to drag heavy bags in on Wednesday. You also get to volunteer for stuff - I'm helping with the Halloween party and bringing snacks Wednesday, but there's no way I'm gonna be Homeroom Parent this year. I deserve a rest !

Dearest Son's teacher this year is very nice, and we got his bus assignment straightened out. We'd been told two different things earlier, one of which involved a half-mile drive every morning and afternoon. We only live three miles from the school, and they're the ones insisting on the bus ! Hit McD's for dinner, and Dearest was delighted to learn that the current promotion is for the Clone Wars movie. Ordinarily, I'd care - it's Star Wars ! - but it's like all my fangirl tendencies towards the franchise have been bled out over the last ten years or so. I still have some memories, and I prefer them to what's out there now.

That said, the new $160.  Millennium Falcon has completely sold out at both Mal-Warts here. And I'd still like a good, articulated Leia figure...

And these meals included the boxes - always a bonus. On the box bottom is usually a ‘heads up' on the next promotion. In a couple weeks, Clones go bye-bye, and we get Lego Batman - a burgeoning passion of Dearest's, thanks to ads on the Lego Indiana Jones and Star Wars games. I think it's rather clever. This way, they can promo Batman while an adult-themed bat-film is out, but the upcoming Lego game ensures a parent-pleasing G-rated effort. You may remember the ruckus the HM toys of Jurassic Park caused... mostly because JP was rated PG-13 for violence. Promoting a film that most interested kids couldn't see via toys hit some folks as A Very Bad Idea. I kinda saw it as ‘kids like dinosaurs' and ‘it's up to you if Lemonjello and Brytianney see the film, you're the parent'.

We'll also get Madame Alexander's Wizard of Oz dolls. Um...why ? And of what ? All the major characters - and a few minor ones - were done in 2007. I remember trying to find a Wicked Witch doll for Elphie, and being sooo happy when the McD's I hit for lunch had one. I've since found a few dozen in yard sales. So I wonder what they're gonna do for this one. Can always use another WW, if this one is a different design

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:40 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Scrappy

Decided to get some neglected housework done. Cleaned out a cabinet and decided to store the lightbox in there, just as soon as I got a couple things done with it. Mostly what I wanted to do was alter Denise Devoto's  ‘To Have and To Hold' lace overlay pattern, featured in the Autumn '07 Barbie Collector. I worked it up as a lace minidress on my site, but the bodice was designed for the smaller-bodied ‘bellybutton' doll. It just didn't have enough fabric to overlap close in the back. So I used hooks and eyes.

Funny, how Mattel finally answered the since-1959 critics of Barbie's big bust by making the entire chest smaller, not just the bustline. If you believe Mattel encourages eating disorders on purpose, you could probably add the bellybutton body to your evidence pile - proportionately, Bab's bust is probably just as big as before, if not bigger. But her chest is smaller....

Anyway, I couldn't find the pattern I used, so I printed out another one. And altered it. Didn't need the lightbox, just a ruler. Once done - I just added a half inch to the back bodice piece - I re-scanned it, and saved it as the ‘1966 body' version. Then I put the lightbox away.

Cleaning our main bathroom was exhausting, so I relaxed in the Lab a bit. Found a place for the wire rack I got from Friday's yard sales, and filled it full of misc. stuff. The kittens barely left it alone for me to do so - if I ever find another, I need to buy it just for them !

Tidied up a bit in there, too. Got all the Baby Ariel and Raggedy Ann doll's clothes together - they wear about the same size - and stored them in the plastic backpack the Disney little-girl doll came in. I need to sew a bit more for both Baby Chrissy's Raggedy Ann and Baby Ariel. They got next to nothin' !

Cleaned up the mess on the sewing machine table left from Saturday's efforts. At least I don't feel like crying over it anymore. May sew tomorrow - I keep saying tomorrow, don't I ? I was all set to sew this weekend, but my mind keeps returning to Thursday night, and my interest in trying out the long-delayed Jasmine outfit just dries right up.

Well, I may as well get it over with and say it. Back on Thursday, Beloved Hubby said the LDP dolls creeped him out. He didn't have a problem with the Barbies, Elphie, and even the My Size and Baby Chrissy dolls didn't bug him. But he was worried that the LDPs signaled my wish to return to childhood, and it worried him about my mental state.

(sigh) And yes, that hurt. I'm sitting in a flippin' room fulla dolls, but only one subset indicates a childlike tendency ? There's not a doll in here who wasn't designed for kids - except maybe Elphie and Fiyero - but the ones I've felt the most interest and confidence in customizing are the ones he doesn't like ? I mean, of all the dolls in here, those are the ones that signal a psychological break with reality ? Yes, my sudden interest in them has been a bit odd for me, but if I was enjoying it, and it wasn't hurting anyone, what was the problem ? It's not like I went out and bought rhumba panties and patent leather shoes and tried to sew fluffy pink square-dance dresses and put my hair in beribboned pigtails. I wasn't sucking my thumb, OK ?

He also had some comments about how the Princess dolls reflected the princess status I had with my father. Um, I hardly ever saw him as a kid, he was as eager to escape his wife's barbs as I was to escape my mother's (you know, same person and all ) and I certainly didn't have a ‘your wish is our command' childhood. If anything, all these dolls and recent princess preoccupation is me trying to erase and write over my real childhood with something that doesn't hurt as much. Only now am I comfortable enough to allow this.

Hell, I wasn't even allowed to play princess as a kid. If I was swanning around, Mother Dear would soon notice, and toss out a few comments that cut me back down to invisible cipher, where I belonged. I never owned a toy tiara, and the closest thing I had to a wand was a plastic cat head on a black stick. It was a prop for that year's hand-me-down Halloween witch costume, and I bought it myself. How I longed to be something beautiful and fragile one year - a ballerina, a princess, a fairy. Never happened. If plastic crowns and things were available in the late 70s, it never occurred to me to buy one. I'd just open myself up to more cut-quick comments. Secretly, though, I've wanted a tiara since I was six. It was fortunate for me that Leia never wore one, or my self-esteem would probably be even worse. I could pretend to be her safely - because no one could tell.

I actually feel that, for the first time in my life, I can do what I want, and I'm aware of it. And I trust the world enough to be myself, and I trust myself to recognize and indulge some simple and stupid things I was previously denied. If it wasn't somehow important to me, I wouldn't be upset about it, I'd have let it go decades ago. Stuff you hold on to  =  stuff you can't let go. But now, with beloved's words, I was seriously considering either destroying or selling everything in here. Because now, my little refuge hurt.

I'm still not sure what's next. Not sure how to articulate all this without hurting anyone else. I want Beloved to feel like he can talk to me, but I didn't appreciate the rather painful freelance analysis. Even if I really needed it, I never got the chance to return the ‘favor'. Well, I'm sure it'll come up - I can never hide how I feel.

And I may start closing the Lab door when I'm not in it.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:40 PM CDT

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Current Mood : Seeing if there's still light out from under my rock

Current Image : Wanna see the underside of a rock ?

I feel a little bit better about myself, but it may be a while before I'm confident and happy enough to venture forth. I'm kind of hovering between my usual ‘Eff off, world.' attitude and the not-unfamiliar and rather whiny ‘Do I have to deal with people today ?' one. On the whole, I prefer the ‘eff' one.

Didn't help that Beloved was home and suggested going for walks, or signing me up for a gym or martial arts classes. If I wanted any of it, I'd do it, but with him kind of not allowing me to relax and finish my thought process, I felt that he was pushing and poking at me, and told him so. It's sweet and thoughtful, true, but it also makes me feel like he thinks I'm not doing enough, or I'm not good enough. Or, even worse, I'm not thin enough. I came into this relationship with food issues, I don't need more of ‘em.

So I cleaned and tried to get some house stuff done. Went to hem his Aikido pants, and ended up not even being able to sew right. This was a bigger blow today than it would have been last week. Even the stuff I could do, I suddenly couldn't, and that hurt. It was going fine until the thick outer seam broke the needle. All of a sudden, the machine skipped stitches and wouldn't pick up the bobbin thread, no matter how I cleaned it, oiled it, swapped out thread top and bottom, futzed with the tension, and tried two other new needles, it kept screwing up. Beloved actually pushed me aside to look at the machine, which kinda stung, too - he's never sewn a stitch on this machine, but suddenly he was the bigger expert on it.

While he futzed with it, I looked up ‘sewing machine repairs', about the time he decided we'd just have to buy a new one, I must've broken something when the needle broke. Turns out the needle was in backwards. Machine's fine. I'm fine, but I still feel like crying when I look at it. At least the cleaning did her some good.

We did end up going out, to Hastings. Beloved found a Judo book and Dearest Son located a Love Bug Herbie movie he didn't already have, but all I found interesting was a scrap-craft book that was waaaay too expensive for what it detailed. So we got it for less than half price from Amazon, and to get the free shipping, Beloved got another martial arts book. Not sure why he's so suddenly into this, but it seems to be making him happier than I am lately.

And I have something to look forward to in the mail ! I guess I can add ‘purses, boxes, socks, and earrings' to stuff I can buy or make when I don't feel like confronting a mirror's reflection.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:39 PM CDT

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Current Mood : I can't really describe it all right now...

Current Image : Pretty much sums it up, right there...

Today was... not really a good day. I'm still working through some stuff. Y'see, Beloved Hubby and I were discussing a few things last night - not a fight or anything, just a chat about some recent actions and events that we hadn't really talked about before, for various reasons. And we touched on some other stuff that's been bugging us. Long story short, we both have some issues to think about, and I'm kind of in a crappy mood because of it. I'm glad he was honest with me, but some of it kinda hurt.

Y'see, Beloved Hubby got to say all he wanted to. And he feels so wonderful that we had such meaningful conversation that he wants our heartfelt communication to continue. I don't feel like I had my say, but if I bring my crap up now, I'm not advancing or letting go. So he's bright and chipper and hopeful, and I feel like I have to change nearly everything about myself, that he feels perfectly fine with who and what he is, and the end result is that I want to clip him upside his happy head.

I've pretty much gone through my mid-life crisis, and I was happy with me on the other side of it. Beloved, however, has just hit his, and he wants to be young again. Wants me to be younger, too. So the next few weeks are gonna be interesting. I think I'm gonna wait him out, because we always return to what we are, but some of what we talked about I need to hash out for myself.

It was kind of a crappy day, really, with or without last night. Yard sales were plentiful, but there was next to nothing out there, even the ones that advertised toys were lousy. And I always love it when the sellers are talking to other browsers, and they say things like, "Oh, you should have been here yesterday, we had sooo much more stuff !" . Yeah, well, too bad your ad said the sale was today, ‘no early birds', ya wanker. Believe it or not, two of the five sales I hit today had the sellers saying something to that effect.

I did find two brand new -tags attached - pair of jeans that are just Dearest Son's size. And a wire shelf-rack that's about hip high, with four shelves. It'll come in handy for various misc. in the Lab.

Thrift stores were also a washout. Walked around with a Barbie outfit in my hand, but put it back. I was only buying it for the shoes, but I think I have plenty of pink flats already. All told, I spent a big $1.50 on yard sales and thrift stores, which is pretty small for me ! It's a rare weekend that I go out and spend less than $5.

Since the sales were so lame, and Kohl's very kindly sent me another ‘$10. off any purchase of anything, markdown, clearance, you name it !' card, I decided to go over. I'd wanted to find something special for Dearest's first day of school next week, and soon located a great Star Wars Lego t-shirt for him. Nothing interesting in the housewares or toys, so I thought I might look at clothes for me for a change. It was loosely related to what we'd discussed yesterday.

Now, let me say this right off. I'm big. I mean it, I'm fat and even if/when I'm thin, I'm still ugly. Goss knows my parents and the rest of humanity saw fit to remind me of it often enough throughout my years on this blighted planet. So, surprise surprise, I've never really cared much about clothes or fashion. What was the point, dressing a pig doesn't make it a supermodel, no matter who designed the dress. And truth be told, I buy dolls and toys because I get the thrill of a new or new-to-me acquisition without being painfully reminded that I'm a *&^$ing whale. And I can make a blouse for just about any doll without needing enough fabric to gift-bag a Buick. It's just easier on me and my screwed-up psyche to create for dolls and shop for ‘em than it is to do the same for myself. Last thing I want to do is attract attention - and along with it, more ‘helpful' critiques.

I also know that no one is to blame for my size but me. I eat crap because it gives me some pleasure and I don't exercise because it's not fun or I have to do it in a room full of people all of whom are looking at me with, "At least I'm not HER." clear on their faces. A girl gets tired of being everyone else's worst case scenario. I thought the Wii would help motivate me off my butt, but Dearest and Beloved soon figured out how to work the remote without moving their bodies at all, and I always lost when I moved all of me around to play. So it was soon pointless for me.

So this, and yesterday's discussion, was in my mind when I made my way to the back of the store where they hide the Women's Department, over behind Maternity, but still within sight of the cute little tiny blouses and designer jeans in Juniors. Gee, don't I feel beautiful. Found my size was about the upper reaches of what they carry, but at least they still had some pretty t-shirts on a good markdown sale. So I wouldn't have to do this again any time soon, I bought four. And waddled out of the packed-together racks, feeling even bigger than I felt when I schlumped over there.

I'd wanted to look at lingerie, just to feel that something about me was pretty, even if it was only my underwear, but that was a really bad idea. I trust I need not delve further into this part of my thrilling day.

What's sad is, I'm not really that big. Oh, yeah, I'm fat, but when I look around, I'm far from the biggest orange on the tree. If I'm having trouble finding clothes, how does the woman who's twenty pounds heavier than me ?

So that's kind of where I am now. I just can't bring myself to happy, for various reasons. Ordinarily, I'd make jokes about yard sales drying up into crappiness, just in time for my annual Fall introspection, but you deserve to know both the good and the bad of me. Right now, I feel sorry for myself, and rather angry, but maybe that's what I need. School starts up next week, it's entirely possible I need some motivation after a summer of sitting on my butt.

Because, ya know, I can only bi#ch and whine for so long. Then I have to do something - or at least stop with the b-and-w fest.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:39 PM CDT

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Current Mood : OK, just sorta bleh.

Current Image : Spaced ! 

It's raining again. And it's nice enough that we can have all the doors and windows open, so we can air out the house and enjoy the sounds. It's been so long since we last did that.

Dearest Son has his last long weekend with his grandparents - they picked him up today after lunch. I had some plans to hit a thrift store or two, but I haven't been sleeping well, and instead took a nap. Beloved Hubby was home for part of the day, and we finished watching our DVD of Spaced - we just loved watching it on YouTube, so it was great to see it without having to find the next part every nine minutes.

Posted by dorriebelle at 12:01 AM CDT

Updated: Monday, 2 May 2011 5:38 PM CDT

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