Current Mood : Much better !
Realized something kind of important today. Somewhere, in between obtaining all the 'basic' (i.e., the dolls with diaries) line and kvetching over whether or not to buy all three dolls in the 'Dawn of the Dance' series (mostly for their shoes and accessories), and joining anything that featured a badly redrawn version of the logo, I became a Monster High collector. Doesn't sound like a bad thing, really - hundreds of people probably also collect these specific dolls, and millions more have their own specialty niche dolls that they'd gladly bend time and space (and their credit ratings) to own. At least these weren't a couple hundred bucks each ! 'Cause, let's face it, if ball-jointed dolls weren't so expensive and involved, I'd probably love them, too.
But here's the deal - I'm not a collector. When I think of the word 'collector', I see someone who has a closet full of unboxed dolls, stacked up like cordwood, the ones on the bottom having to get rotated to see the light of day once a year. Of course, there's more on display, and more on pre-order, and yer average collector haunts message boards straining for scraps of more information, so he/she will know what's coming up next, in order to put in a request for the 'right' doll(s) during the following week. Nothing wrong with that, if you have the money and support from your family. Although I have all the support in the world from Beloved Hubby and Dearest Son, we are very limited resources family. Even in my Barbie days, I got a lot more out of yard sales than I did from collector message boards - and the Tonner / 16-inch collectors who haunted those specific boards were such snobs, I darn near completely disassociated from dolls entirely, just because the attitudes were so bad and so uniform...and they quickly became judgmental and smothering. I ended up being a reverse snob, which may actually be worse...but eventually I relaxed and created a comfortable spot for m'self. Goss knows I never found it in any of the communities.
But I'm growing dissatisfied with MH, and starting to feel the same way I did back when Prego let me know how worthless I was as a collector. It's not entirely the same, but...Between the uber-fans, the attitudes, the squabbling, the near-total radio silence from Mattel, and the ridiculousness of grown adults acting this way over new - not even vintage or in any way limited - toys, I would gladly put every last one of these dolls on eBay and be done with them, just to be free of the fandom. Which ranks, because I've met some truly awesome people who also love MH, and I don't mean to toss them in with the jerkwads, but right now, because I'm a blasted collector, it's all blending together. I'm dizzy and lost, and my decisions and actions reflect that. But part of me is screaming that this isn't me, not anymore.
I really don't want this. I want my incredible friends and time with them, and I want my dolls, but the crap that seems to come with fandom is wearing me down to the point where I just want to be free of it all. There's only one way I can have what I want again - stop being a collector, and take back what I lost. Resume being a hobbyist, not a collector. When I didn't care what was next, I cared about what I already had, and how I could enjoy them next. When Target and Toys R Us didn't figure in daily life. When I daydreamed in fun, silly 'doll cartoons' I made from photos, that I wanted to share. When I created, instead of just consumed.
It was then that it hit me. If I didn't sew, I'd be done with Monster High. Heck, I'd probably be done with dolls completely. I mentioned before Christmas '10 that I wanted to step off the scary-go-round, I was tired of hunting and stalking and spending...but somehow, I got back on just as the speed increased. I don't think it's enough for me to merely say I'm not doing this anymore, since the next blurry photo will drag me back in. I may have to unsubscribe from everything but Flickr. (wry laugh) I think I'll start with MonsterHighDolls.com, since the place is a sewer to me lately. There's nice people there, too, but the rude, loud lunatics are running the asylum, and the only way to not to become Inmate of the Month is to get the heck out.
Who cares what's coming out next ? It doesn't matter 'til it appears on shelves at Mal-Wart. It's nice to see images and daydream, but collectors obsess, and sure as snow in Colorado, I've been obsessing. Sure, I'd love to have some of the new stuff. But the true, pure line I'm always searching for isn't found at a checkout stand. It's in my mind, when it's inspired. It's easy to buy stuff, impossible to buy inspiration, creativity, skill. It's past time for me to find that spark of fun and originality again. Heck, maybe even selling my sewn creations will help someone else enjoy what they already have, and find their comfy happy place, too.
Stranger things can happen...
And, guess what ? I did it ! I'm no longer a member on MonsterHighDolls.com. Erased my posts, my photos, everything. It's like I was never there - if I could only recover the time I wasted, I'd be in Nirvana, but I'll take what I got. There's an optional blank to tell admin why ya left, and you know me, I so rarely get the last word, I dig my claws in when I get the chance. I'd have written a manifesto, so it's good they limited my space, but I think I used the whole thing when I said, "Tired of rude inmates running the asylum. Too old for their attitudes, too bored for more crap." Perhaps a bit arch for me, but I meant every character. It won't matter to them, but I feel much better ! It's like a cloud lifted up and burned away.
Tonight...we sew !
