Ready...steady...
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: XM 150 - Uncensored Comedy

Beloved Hubby's so busy. Workin' his butt off, starting his new business...sometimes it seems like all I can do for him is make his lunch and make sure the bathroom doesn't have a visible stench. I worry about him.

Dearest Son is doin' well. He suckered me into a bag of Funyuns after a visit to Great-Gramma's. He'd been patient as long as he could, longer than I expected. Growing up so fast. I always heard that about everyone's kids, and it seemed like Son was stuck at a younger age than his birth certificate said. But he's flown out of that gate, and I'm almost wistful about it all now.

I guess my confusion is due to the speech therapist telling me he's about where he should be, mentally and physically...but his teachers always act as though he's holding up the whole class, and it's not only Hubby and my fault, but we're clearly not doing everything we can for him. There are times I seriously consider home-schooling...

Came up with a prototype pattern for a Happi coat for Fiyero. Since I've already bought the few things I wanted, I think I'll come home after ferrying Son to school and sew. Don't know why I've avoided it for so long, but I'm eager to now !

Oh, and the two packs of black and white buttons I bought Monday ? Back of the package says 'minimum 75 buttons'. I got 80 white and 80 black out of the two. So much for my 'oh, this looks like it has a lot of black buttons, I'll get these two packages. Not that one, it looks like mostly white ones.' There were exactly 80 in there, 40 of each. I don't know why that amuses me...

oooghh...not feelin' very good.
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Dinnertime !

Sorry to do another 'short' one, but my stomach's in open rebellion with the rest of my body. Have no idea what I got into. Serves me right for eating Happy Meals, even if it was to get Dearest Son those Cars. I actually found a Filmore - the VW Microbus voiced by George Carlin - in the W-M toy section (more later). He's severely short-packed.*

Found out that the Tonner site did indeed 'go live' with the mid-year collection. Midyear 2006 here. Eeehh. Nothing I see that I want. Kinda cheesed me that the 'evil' of the stepdaughters from the Cinderella line was the 'plus sized' one. Guess it's not worth getting my feathers ruffled for, though. It's not like I need more dolls or anything right now.

Of course, the drooling on Prego was well underway by the time I had a moment. One woman's actively considering selling her entire collection to obtain one exclusive or another. (sigh) Sometimes it's a relief to worry about your own stuff and not care much about the aching need over there.

I did finally get something I really wanted. Got over to the 'high side' Wal-Mart, and they had bunches of buttons. Exact ones I wanted. Our store's been out of stock for months. They had about six packets crowding the pin. Relieved them of two.

Remembered to check the jewelry section. Sometimes you can find nice 'chests' or 'armoires' in the jewelry box section. As it turned out, they had those 'fainting couches' back in stock, with matching chairs. $11.97. I remember seeing them just before I got Elphie - wanted one, but didn't know if it'd be her size, and the W-M on our side of town never had them, so I figured they'd sold out and stopped looking. About half the folks who have photos of their Tonner dolls out have one of these sofas, and I just love the shape, so I was regretting not getting one then.

I picked out a black one with a leopard seat - not my fave, but the best of what was available - and Filmore, buttons, and couch were gleefully on our way out. Wheee !

Elphie looks so fabulous on it. Now if I can just figure out how to reupholster over that leopard... Sure, it looks cool now, but eventually it's gonna look dated.

So it's been a full day. Even pain-full ! But it's been nice. Beloved Hubby's glad I got it (he knew about the search), and I arranged for him to give Filmore to Son. I often find great things for Son - but it's not fair for him to get all the goodies from me. Everyone likes to be generous !

*'Shortpacked' is a toy collector/merchandiser term. Ya know when there's only one of a certain character in a box of twelve other figures ? Let's say, 3 Darths, 3 Lukes, 3 R2D2, 2 Han, 1 Leia are in a twelve-box. Both Han and Leia can be said to be 'short packed'. Sometimes a toyline is done that way because the mfg. and license holder know a character is less popular, or to encourage chat amongst collectors, i.e., the thrill of the hunt.

For a great web comic about working toy retail, visit Shortpacked ! I've worked TRU and Disney Store, at Christmas (but not at the same time, I don't hate myself *that* much !) and the author, David Willis, has pretty much nailed the toy retail atmosphere, IMhO !

Where did Sunday go ?
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: sounds of Son running

I think we did even less today. Got a bottle of rum last night, and added less than a half-inch to a glass with ice and an orange soda. Yum ! Kind of like an orange Creamsicle - orange, with a vanilla aftertaste. After one and a half, I was making jokes about how stupid my bra was, trying to make a break for it via the front door as I slept, when the back door was five feet away.

No rum today.

Took Dearest Son to McD's, got two more Cars toys. He now has half the set. That darn Filmore - a VW Microbus voiced by George Carlin - is an elusive vehicle. Can't find it in the Hot Wheels -size displays, and the McD's staff said they'd not seen him yet. So here's to hope.

Still unmotivated. I'm hoping to kick-start my rear tomorrow. While Son's in school, I want to see if the other Wal-Mart has those tiny black buttons I'm out of. The closest one to us used to stock 'em, but hasn't in three or four months.

Beloved Hubby and Son fell asleep, which should have been the perfect time to a)nap, too or b) sew. I'm still not sure what I did. I think I just zoned out in the chair. We did some yard work, and that always wears on me, but we also had fun with the garden hose and a new dial-a-spray nozzle, so I don't think I was that tired.

But I am now. Another busy week starts in a few hours. See you then !

Another lazy Saturday...
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: XM 70s - "Summer Breeze", Seals and Croft

After saying I wasn't gonna do much in yard sales anymore, there was a neighborhood nest of 'em, right down the street ! Arrrgh !

Dearest Son really made out. More Playmobil castle pices - three turrets and a 'broken' wall, among other assorted bits - and two cars. Scored a new Lucite photo frame for a dime. It'll be a 'display case' for Elphie's doll collection, which is mostly action figures and tiny dolls I've found. Also found a new shirt for me and one for Son for pennies, and a resin turkey in full feathers. It'll come in handy for Thanksgiving photos soon enough. Few other odds and ends - a legal-size clipboard for Beloved Hubby, a length of starry fabric that I've had to pick dried glue out of (glad it was cheap !) and some new animals for Son's zoo play. Spent less than $6., which is what my blouse cost somebody - it still had the tags on it.

Other than that, not much going on. New Hancock Fabrics flyer came out, but I've been there twice in one week. Got fabric at a yard sale, and I'm eyeing a length on eBay. Enough's enough - and shoot, what I had was enough last year. I can't keep saving this much money or we'll be broke !

Just can't motivate my happy butt to sew. So I'm lazing around.

Tonner chat and chatelaines...
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Local radio - "Photograph", Def Leppard

(wry grin) I remember a few weeks into this year, Tonner's web site was gonna 'go live' with the new 2006 collection. Prego was jumping, and there was this eerie five minutes of absolute silence when it was clear that the new images were online. I was mildly ticked, as I could see nothing that everyone was trilling over - turned out, I merely had to refresh the pages ! Ah ! There it all is ! There's...not a darn thing here I want...and what's with these cheap-azz plastic Barbie shoes for Tyler ? They're cheaply made, but not at all cheap to buy ! What is this, $30. profit on each $35. set ? WTF ? I thought better of Tonner...

But it was thrilling, those first few minutes with a catalog of new possibilities, right there on my monitor. Didn't matter who had a collection worth $25. and who had $250,000., it was all there for us to admire and plan and plot over. Nobody got 'preferred' treatment because they forked over extra cash for the inner circle fan club. It was one of the few truly equalizing and unifying experiences I've ever had with dolls.

Reason this is bringing a wry smile to my face is that it's time for the (triumphant trumpet flourish) MID YEAR Collection !!! And I'm sure Prego is quite abuzzzz again. I can't even work up the enthusiasm to even find out when it's online. Don't get me wrong, I still love Elphie and Fiyero. But the crush I had on RT for creating her - it almost seemed she was made for a very particular audience that normally gets ignored - is pretty much gone.

I can make most of the clothes I see every year from Tonner - if I want Elphie to wear sequins and feathers and Fiyero to wear flannel my Beloved Hubby rejects as 'too loud and garish', I could probably even buy 'em. I just think it's funny that 75% of what he sells both on and off the dolls are long gowns, but very few of his trunks can hang 'em up full length, without folding a few inches at the bottom. It's OK to have 83 gowns...but you can't store 'em. Guess the girls are s'posed to wear 'em all the time.

I kinda feel a little sad. I'd like to have that breathless antici....(say it ! SAY IT !!)...pation again. It would just cost too much right now. I've come so far, in recognizing the holes and issues I still have to deal with. Going back to the 'I wanna be a drooling consumer'* days would be a step backwards.

*Not saying that everyone eagerly anticipating Midyear is a drooling, mindless consumer. Just that I was. I REALLY wanted to find something to spend money on ! But I couldn't find anything that meant what Elphie does, and buying anything less would be cheating me, Beloved Hubby, Elphie, and you. I'd even be cheating Tonner by buying without the magic, because I'd still expect it, to my eventual disappointment. I don't have the delusions about Tonner or Mattel that I used to - but both were nice while they lasted.

In other news, Dearest Son talked me into going to Hancock Fabrics - he always gets a snack selection for being patient - and I got a lovely jacquard fabric I hope to use this weekend on Fiyero's Happi coat. Gotta tweak the potential pattern first, though. Also some stretch velvet (black), a grey wool remnant (Fiyero slacks), and a college print I'll need for a Christmas present project. Also scored a thread cutter from their chatelaine collection. Wanted one for the last two or three years, just couldn't shell $10. for it. At 75% off, though, that pendant was mine !

I didn't know what a chatelaine was either, until Hobby Lobby and Hancock's started selling 'em. It's a Victorian pin that fastens at the waist, that can hold a small purse or keys from chains or ribbons that branch from the pin. These reproduction pins have chains leading from 'em to various metal sewing notions - needle case, pincushion, needle threader, seam ripper, thread cutter, etc. Sold separately so you can customize your own - and spend more cash ! :)

Beauty of it is that each notion can be worn separately, and they're all quite decorative. I strung the thread cutter on a black cord, and it's pretty all by itself. Seriously considering going after the needle case. The odd shape and practical nature appeal to me - and would make another cool pendant !

Got the thread cutter for my 'down time' sewing. You wouldn't believe the looks I get when I do a bit of hand-sewing in the kids' library. I use a pair of blunt kindergarden scissors, but you'd think I was using a chainsaw-powered ice pick that I'd just sharpened in front of them. The scissors are either in my hands or under my leg, the needle's point is either in the fabric or pinched in my fingers, but I get these 'my child better not get hurt, you selfish &*%$' looks every time. Kid stands a better chance at getting cut on a Dora sippy cup than from my projects (that take forever, as my eyes only leave Son to position the needle or cut). Not sure if my post-library headaches are due to the eyestrain, or the evil-eyed gazes leveled at me.

According to Dictionary.com, chatelaine also means 'mistress of a castle'. Bonus !

Just thinking...
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: sound of rain down the chimney

Ever since I realize that I don't need eBay or Prego, or online 'societies' that manage to exclude me as thoroughly as real-life ones, I've been wondering why I thought I did need them, for so long and so deeply.

I came to realize that each served a specific place that has since changed - and most of those places in me don't exist anymore. I was plugging holes in my life with them - and some of the holes I punched myself, so I'd have something to fill. It would get filled, temporarily...with nothing, which led to more holes and more empty feelings. It's not Da Intarnets' (not kidding, it actually gets pronounced that way around here) fault that I fell into that trap. Let's face it, I've plugged holes with food since my pre-teen days, so I was pre-disposed to that sort of behavior, possibly from early July, 1966. My psyche looks like a Swiss cheese in a minimalist handball court.

And we all have holes. Yearning, aching spaces that can't be filled with money, toys, food, sex, or even love. You can't tell me that the lead cast of The Simple Life is at all happy with who they are - and what they've become. The holes can be closed, but that's the hard part. Fact is, we all make our own holes - a misunderstanding here, a choice comment overheard there, a criticism taken and never let go - and we can eliminate them, too. It's just hard to admit they're there, and what we're doing to them, and what they're doing to us.

'Cause, really, we are our unfulfilled spaces. It's hard to get out of bed when you have everything, don't want anything, and are absolutely perfect inside and out and loved in every conceivable manner. Every human has drive, every person has needs that are far from basic food/shelter/air. But some spaces are yawning empty because we're used to them, used to that hole and how we attempt to fill it.

Frankly, eBay and yard sales were filling my life (and our house) with new posessions at minimal cost. That's two holes right there, fed by the same activities. Even my sewing fills one, when I used to look at what 'everyone else' had and wish for more. Only way for that to happen was to do it myself, and even then, I downgraded my own accomplishments and still yearned for the 'Made in Honduras/China/Wherever Workers are Cheap and Usually Abused' stuff.

I have so many voices in my head, familiar ones that tell me my accomplishments are useless, and I'm nothing to be proud over. And have done nothing in my life to take pride in. Some of my spaces have loud, shrill, annoying voices coming out of 'em, and I try to fill 'em so they'll shut the h#ll up !

As I grow into who I am, many of these holes are going away. Not because I have some new toy coming from eBay or I actually got a post recognized on some online clique. But because I don't need either anymore. Voices are silencing, because I've heard them all my life, and they're not telling me anything new or helpful. So I can disregard them a lot better. They used to be a scourge to achieve. Now there is pleasure in the attempt, so the voices have nothing to say.

It's still a little scary. I'm actually coming out of the cave I crawled into, and pulled a rock behind me so no one could get in uninvited. Yeah, society at large doesn't have much of a place for me. I'm 'plus sized', not a hot, tan, blonde MILF, I make doll clothes, and try to help our son have his own life without making it into a contest with other parents. So I'm not beautiful enough to make things interesting, or dramatic enough to be involving. In my life, beauty and drama are best viewed on a DVD, then returned to the store ! While I do need some contacts, it's fine if I don't have them for a while yet. It's nice just standing in the sun and being myself for a while.

Anybody need a nice, warm cave ? I'll throw in the rock. Cheap !

And the bombs just keep on comin'...
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: XM 71 - Watercolors (light jazz)

Not much time to do doll stuff today. It's Wednesday, so after summer school, Dearest Son got to go to the SplashPad again. He met up with a school friend, and they played and had a great time. When friend went to the playground, we went after changing clothes. Even got to talk to a few other mothers. So it was a nice midmorning.

While he was in school, I tackled the backyard. While I was cleaning out the 'L & L' mess, Son would occasionally snag a toy or item to play with. Some I didn't mind, others were too nasty to keep. It's been too hot for him to be outside much, but I noticed how bad the backyard looked a couple weeks ago. So I took out a roll of trash bags and cleaned up. Five bags later, the yard was still a mess, but it wasn't broken toys and unidentifiable crap. It was intact toys and other junk. I guess today, then, was the real end of the 'L & L' odyssey.

At least I got my workout. After playing all day, we came home and I took a short nap. Then the messy bathroom got too loud to ignore anymore, so I got 3/4ths of it done before Beloved Hubby came home.

So, not much doll stuff today. I snagged a Hancock Fabrics grab bag Tuesday, and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with a half-yard of thick black felt. I thought it was something else - darn their opaque bags ! I got three other pieces, two of which I can use. At least it was cheap. And I doubt I'll do that again.

I may go back tomorrow for a lovely jacquard fabric I saw. Dark blue (but not navy) with a leaf/fan-like weave in it, bordered by black stripes. I think it'd make some excellent Asian wear. Maybe that'll get me off my butt and back on board with the geta sandals, too.

Found an old Barbie hair refil, from the Cut and Style series. Pinned it to the bald Leia, so she at least has some hair until I can find something. I still feel bad about that human hair waste. (sigh)

Not much else going on. I'm tired, but Son is rockin'. Little chance of craft. So I think I'll just hang out for a bit. At least I got the yard and bathroom done for the day !

Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb !
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: "Two Weeks' Notice" - DVD rental

Bonus points for knowing where today's title originates ! Answer at the end.

Another day I can't bring myself to do anything on the 'To Do' list ! I don't know why I'm just not motivated - bet my issues would list longer than 'To Do' !

Instead, I tried to make a skort. If you're unfamiliar, it's a pair of shorts with a wrap skirt over it. They come in handy for golf and tennis, even cheerleading. Feminine, but sporty. Doll Shop Deluxe even had a pattern that I cribbed.

But once it was done - as best as I could figure, there were, as usual, no directions - I didn't like it, and it didn't hang right, so into the trash it went. It was longer than I'd imagined, and it doesn't make sense to wear shorts under a nearly knee-length skirt.

My efforts at learning Asian ball-button frog closures from various online directions didn't work well either. I may have to order a book, as one set of directions didn't make much sense, and another I could work perfectly, but the ball was so small, I didn't see how it could ever be useful. I'd have better results tying a couple of bowtie knots alongside each other then tying them together.

Similarly, yesterday's early attempts at rerooting a yard-sale 1978 Kenner Princess Leia was a failure. Now I know why everyone uses Kankelon or other artifical fiber. Real human hair doesn't stay knotted ! I tried the thread method, but that took much longer and pulled right out. So I guess I'll eBay the human stuff - no returns, plus I did use some of it - and find some fiber.

Oh, well. Noble efforts and all that. I'm sure tomorrow will go better - it's all house and lawn work !

*Batman - the movie-length film from the 70s camp-classic TV series. Ole Bats has your typical round black bomb, complete with hissing fuse, and anywhere he tries to throw it, there's either nuns, ducks, kids, or a Salvation Army Band ! His comment reminds me of my most recent craft attempts...unfortunately.

Things I need to do - and things I don't need anymore.
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: XM 71 - Watercolors (light jazz)

I got to thinking yesterday, how many projects do I have to work on still ? And came to the conclusion I have too many irons in the fire !

Here's the Projects To Do List :

*Finger shoe web page
*Finish 'Tonner Taste, Barbie Budget' page
*Go through all the Barbie and Elphie props
*Design fun foam shoes, write up directions
*Make seat belts for Elphie's Jeep (use Dritz clips I bought on markdown last month)
*Try that Gene dress form pattern. If it doesn't work, consider ordering the TW specific pattern online.
*Try the collared shirt pattern again
*Swimsuit, too.
*Pick the next 20 doll clothes photographs for the hard-copy photo album.
*Make new geta sandals for Elphie's kimono photo
*Start Leia reroot
*Render the numerous yard sale bras to buckles, elastic, trim, and hook/eyes

I've also noticed that, since I don't restrict myself from Prego and eBay, I have less of an urge to go there. Every time I've said 'never again', I've always gone back. But since I've had time to look around, see what I was really doing, I've had less interest in either.

Case in point - there was an eBay 'trap' mentioned. Basically, someone set up an auction for one specific person to find, and the description was more about the target than the doll, angry and bitter. The person holding the auction used it as a platform to tell the potential targeted buyer ('Mother') to look around, her dolls were all she had, and that her search to find meaning in life from buying consumer crap off eBay has cost her everything. Potent enough for anyone to heed.

Well, the board went off on the seller. Several declared that he/she and Mother had various mental problems and diseases. Didn't know Prego had so many board-certified psychoanalysts on it. Based on a seven-line auction description, they expressed outrage, diagnosed mental deformities, and delivered godlike outright condemnation at the seller, over and over.

Look, it's nice that their mommas were combination Mary Poppins and June Cleavers. But this does not give them the right or even the standing to understand what it's like to have a bad family dynamic and nowhere to go with it. Some dogs bite. Not all mothers are loving perfection. If they can't understand why this person is in so much rage and pain, why are they talking ? And if they don't understand, why the rush to condemn ?

I DO understand. I know exactly what that person feels - the red-hot anger and soul-crushing disappointment of never being enough, never being right, always coming up short for someone who means so very much to him/her. It hurts a lifetime, d@mn it, and if these harpies don't get it, then the least they can do for humanity at large is shut the hell up !

Of course, I wrote to the thread. I was quite blunt with my little opinions, that condemning someone based on a seven-line auction page doesn't help anyone. And while I was more circumspect than 'if you don't understand, then shut up, ya judgemental %$#@', but that was about the size of it. By then, it was on Page 3, so no one will ever read it. But I took my stand, and I don't need them anymore. Self-righteous people always bore me anyway. (ironic judgment enclosed)

Beloved Hubby taught me long ago, that desperate, angry people do desperate, angry things. And if I can't help, or can't even listen without pre-formed judgments, the least I can do is stay out of it. I wish I could clone Beloved... lot more people besides me need him.

Well, maybe not so much hell... but other people can get annoying !
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: 'The Final Cut' - DVD rental

Amazingly enough, our neighbor came by this morning and 'fessed up. Wow. Don't know why they fibbed about the trash in the first place, but hey, at least they came clean. Now I'm not so growly at 'em. Maybe we can at least nod in passing now.

Sad, that it's an improvement in our relationship !

And we get to move stuff to the backyard today. I still think they narc'ed - that stuff's been there for at least two years, and nobody's said a $#@n word until now - and there's houses down the street with dead cars on lifts in the yard. Just sucks that they have to involve the City in what's basically a Homeowner's Association-type whine... when we all rent !

Oh, and I forgot to mention - Room With A View did arrive last Saturday. Had to fix a part that came unglued in shipping, and one of the walls has a bend in it that I wouldn't have noticed, but it's enough to make the magnetic molding lose grip. Already reglued it and I'm sure the wall will straighten out with time.

It's a lot of fun to play with. Much as I love the wallpaper and brick, I'm already planning on magnetizing some foamcore and doing some texturing and painting on it, for new walls. Luckily, Beloved Hubby has these supplies around all the time.

I did hit a few yard sales today - and realized I probably won't be doing that much anymore. It's getting more and more frustrating to drive three miles into a cul-de-sac for a $6. blow-dryer and $3. Garanimals that were $4. brand-new. Back when I was mostly Barbie-oriented, there was always the chance I'd find something rare and unusual, but there's not much chance finding something 1) that I don't already have or 2)have space for.

I'm a darn good shopper, and can find most of what we need new on sale for what some expect for used. I have no idea why people think I'd love to buy their kids' ripped up jeans for $3. a pair when I just bought two brand-new pair for $5. each ! And most of my really good finds lately have been from GoodWill. I'm still contemplating going back for that 'Kimberly' doll...

One of the teachers at Dearest Son's school told me they were working on a Father's Day project. Which is very nice, but Son didn't have anything in his backpack, and Father's Day is today. Maybe I spoke to a teacher from another class ? Got Beloved Hubby some new socks when I went grocery shopping this morning. It's a poor, unoriginal idea, I know, but he did need new socks.

I found some markdown cord - black with some shiny streaks in it - that I'm gonna use in an attempt to make my own Chinese ball-type frog closures. I still have quite a few peeled from Dollar Tree wine-bottle cheongsams, but it'd be fun to make my own.

Not sure what other surprises the day will bring - we got a sample of laundry detergent with the Sunday paper - as it's early yet, but I didn't want to forget again. Wish us luck with the backyard...and a continuing detente with the neighbors.