Mood:
hug meNow Playing: XM 150 - Uncensored Comedy - I need the laughs.
...maybe I needed it or something. Beloved Hubby's business has been beyond the concept of 'busy', so I've been helping in any ways I can find. One day last week, I balanced his business checkbook, glazed 30-some cabinet doors, and took Dearest Son to an appointment. Slept well that night !
But that's not really why I've been away so long. While Fall is my favorite season and Halloween is my bestest holiday, it's also a time of deep contemplation and examination for me. Especially in October, for some bizarre reason. Each year, I find myself doing stuff I used to love, but just don't do anymore. I study animation again, for a while...I read radio and TV trade publications, because that's what my degree is in, Mass Communications. The very notion of transmitting ideas and thoughts to more than just the ones you can see has always been fascinating to me. I watch foreign ads, as a window into other cultures, and possibly how a US ad agency would portray the same ideas. When my kindergarten class went to a radio station...well, it started a lifelong dream that unfortunately I made come true. And now, radio isn't the dream anymore, it's a picked-through wasteland of shock and blah.
"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." - George Bernard Shaw
Anyway. Some things just hit you harder when you're older. More you have, the more you have to lose. And I saw this PSA (Public Service Announcement) that has bothered me for weeks. I hesitate to post the link, because I can gosh-darn guarantee you that it will disturb your evening. Especially if you have kids. But I also hate it when somebody talks about something but leaves me no way to see what they're yarping about. So, with misgivings, here's a YouTube.com link - http://youtube.com/watch?v=4nr9R4F_QH8
It reminds me how fragile everything is. How fast something flies beyond anyone's control, and how much each of us can lose in less than a second. I've had to build a mental blockade against thinking about it, picking apart the velocity and probability of what's portrayed. But it's still there, and even writing about it in my personal journal hasn't lessened its appearance and its effect on me. It's not like I've ever driven drunk - I don't drink, and the older I get, the less I enjoy driving. But it's been a painfully powerful PSA.
So I've been pretty morose and upset lately, and haven't gone near my dolls, even for solace, in weeks. I hesitated sharing this with you because I didn't want you troubled and I knew I'd have to share the link. Odd, how an idea that really shouldn't affect me this much has shaped my days these last coupla weeks.
I'm just now coming back to myself. Beloved Hubby and I finished Dearest Son's Halloween costume Thurs. night - his school did the parties/costume thing on Friday - and he adored it. I made him a racing suit, complete with a big '53' and his name as 'Driver' on the front, and Hubby decorated a Big Trash Day scavenged Power Wheels Beetle as Herbie, the Love Bug. We removed the mechanisms, repainted it, and even made a custom license plate for it. Straps allowed Son to 'drive' Herbie, and if there was a happier boy around Friday, I'd like to meet him. It was like Christmas to Son, and just seeing his joy was balm to my psyche.
So Halloween - and my Beloved Hubby and Dearest Son - saved my spirit. In truth, I wasn't much good in the mood I was in, to anyone. Hence the absence. I'm still screwed up, but I'm more my own kind of screwed up than I've been in a while. So, there's more to look forward to, especially since I won a metric ton of old doll magazines in an auction ! :)
Are these sudden existential psych-dramas what they mean when people talk about 'having a mid-life crisis' ? Frankly, they suck...
